Inside, Outside, Upside Down

why self-effort makes having a happy marriage more difficult

Maybe you remember the Berenstain Bears’ Inside Outside Upside Down. I know it well because I read (past tense) it to my three sons. The title describes the way many of us have been misinformed about how to have a successful marriage. Looking over my journals for the last 20+ years, I can clearly see […]

Communication: Do I Matter?

recognizing your mate's bids for your attention

In studying couple communication, Dr. John Gottman and his team of researchers have observed that partners continually make “bids” for one another’s attention, closeness, and reassurance. These bids were made through comments, questions, glances, and/or gestures. The couples seemed to be asking, on a regular basis: Are you there? Do I matter to you? Sometimes […]

confidence hope psalm 27:13

Vulnerable & Powerful

God's point of view

Christian Marriage is the most vulnerable and can be the most powerful human relationship in the clash between two kingdoms. And it is essential to know what the fight is really about. Couples often tell me about bad experiences in previous tries at marriage counseling. Even once would be too many. But it happens a […]

The Movie Version

Who is Your Director?

If you’ve read The Book, you know Who wins. But during our time here on earth, we’re being directed in the Movie Version. So which side are you on? The Lord says you belong to him. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) The enemy says you belong to no one. Do what you please. The Lord wants to […]