Inside, Outside, Upside Down

why self-effort makes having a happy marriage more difficult

Maybe you remember the Berenstain Bears’ Inside Outside Upside Down. I know it well because I read (past tense) it to my three sons. The title describes the way many of us have been misinformed about how to have a successful marriage. Looking over my journals for the last 20+ years, I can clearly see […]

Communication: Do I Matter?

recognizing your mate's bids for your attention

In studying couple communication, Dr. John Gottman and his team of researchers have observed that partners continually make “bids” for one another’s attention, closeness, and reassurance. These bids were made through comments, questions, glances, and/or gestures. The couples seemed to be asking, on a regular basis: Are you there? Do I matter to you? Sometimes […]

confidence hope psalm 27:13

Dealing with Feeling

the purpose of emotion

Why did God give us emotions? First, our feelings enable us to fully enjoy the Good Things God has given us. Second, they activate our Personal Warning System. A signal that something is happening within us or around us. How physical feelings work can help us understand our Personal Warning System. Let’s say you’re walking […]

Perfect Partners

keep growing together

In the movie Fireproof, the statement “Never leave your partner behind” was a motto of the Fire Department. Caleb learned to apply that principle to his marriage. So what do we mean by partner when it comes to marriage? The Dictionary Definition: person who takes part with another Which of these synonyms define your partnership with […]

what do you believe about women

Who’s more complicated?

men? or women?

So many couples who are experiencing relationship problems seem to need an interpreter. In fact, what I mostly do during a couple’s counseling session is to to translate “what he just said” into words that she can understand, and then translate “what she just said” into words that he can understand. So on the surface, […]