Category:Premarital Education

If you’re reading this, you’re probably someone who works hard at your relationships. But are you remembering to rest? To take it easy for awhile? To let go of “intense”? When you focus all your energy on changing yourself, your circumstances – or your mate or anyone else – you miss out on some important possibilities. And it can be a sign that you’re trying to control stuff that’s not yours to control.

You don’t have the inside track on your relationship. Your mate has a perspective, too. Do you know what it is? By slowing down, resting together, and listening, you might find a solution your hadn’t thought of before. How cool would that be?

Resting is part of who we are created to be.

[callout]God Himself rests.
And He set that as a pattern for us as well. (Genesis 2:2-3)[/callout]

… an essential component of our relationship with the Father.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30)

There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God;
for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works,
just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest … (Hebrews 4:9-11)

Food for thought … or discussion

• How or where do you experience rest?
• When do you take a rest from your work?
• When do you take a rest from “fixing” your relationship?

One of the things I love about men is also the thing that bugs me about them. I know that no one is perfect, and certainly not we women. The simple fact of our imperfection tells me that we must be annoying to men at times. But they almost never tell us what they don’t like about us.

I love that about them. They just accept us.

Or do they? Do they not critique us because they’re so crazy about us? Or is it because they don’t want to hurt our feelings? Or is it because they don’t want to suffer the fall-out if they say anything negative about us or our behavior?

Their silence can result in a different problem. Without their feedback, we’re left to our own self-evaluations. That can be a dangerous thing. Some of us will assume that there’s nothing about us that’s unpleasant to our fella. Other women – me included – will watch for signs of his displeasure and try to adjust accordingly.

But what are we adjusting to?

The problem with that is our perception of his nonverbal behavior. Something so ambiguous as nonverbal behavior is wrought with potential for misinterpretation. So what’s a woman to do?

But I also have to wonder, what’s a fella to do if he is displeased with his gal? If he says something to her, she will probably get her feelings hurt. And when that happens, she’ll get defensive. And in her defensiveness, she’ll lash out or withdraw. So there’s a very good reason (or two) why men don’t give us feedback.

But maybe there’s more to learn from men on this!

What if he’s treating you the way he wants to be treated? What if he would like you to focus on his strengths and avoid the criticism? What if you only told him what he is doing right?

[callout]IMPORTANT FACT ABOUT MEN:
Criticism never changes their behavior.[/callout]

Now there’s some valuable information to hang on to!

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