Fight Back!

Be sure to listen all the way through to the end.
You’ll be glad you did!

In “Fight Back” Bishop Jakes describes the male experience, offering understanding & encouragement
like no other pastor I’ve ever heard speak on the topic.

Even Strong Men Struggle

If you could use more encouragement & practical strategies for the journey, you will want to check out this book by T. D. Jakes.

Strength for Men * Solutions for Women

Also available in audio … for those of you who don’t like to read or prefer to listen during your daily commute or exercise routine.

order now @


One Flesh


Making Love is the deepest, most intimate Communication between a husband and wife. It reunites them in a way that happens with no other. Becoming One Flesh is Beautiful.

Woman is perhaps God’s greatest invention. He created her specifically to meet the relational, emotional, and physical needs of His first invention: Man. He designed her in such a way that man was automatically drawn to her in wonder … she joyously gave herself to him … and both enjoyed Joyous Rapture that could have been everlasting.

But sex has been affected by sin and shame.

The beauty of the male-female relationship became tarnished, convoluted, mixed up, and messed up. Instead of rejoicing in our differences, we are afraid of losing ourselves to the other. In our fear, we hide.

Or we seek to control and change one another to be more like ourselves … as though we were God Himself and, therefore, mindful of the only “right” way of being, which always backfires with serious and detrimental results.

Throughout history, we see examples of the exploitation of God’s creation. We see woman used and abused by man, diminished in importance by his use of her for his pleasure and power. Man is also abused by woman, diminished in importance by her use of him. There are documented cases of women being mistreated, but men are also mistreated and abused … and in more ways than we can ever imagine.

Men need women.

And they have from the very beginning. It wasn’t man’s idea. Adam was clueless about what he was missing in the Garden. But the Lord knew he would need a woman to love and to adore. And to soften him. Otherwise, he would become domineering and consumed by his power.

In His infinite wisdom, the Creator designed a woman who would possess something inherently fascinating that would make her utterly irresistible to her husband. And it’s not just about sex. Men desire women at a very deep level.

But too many women believe men are only interested in sex. Yes, they are interested in sex. Sex is very important to him. It meets an important need, but it’s not all that he needs.

That said, making love to his wife fulfills more of a man’s needs than any other single thing his wife does for him.

[callout]Making Love to his wife will naturally fulfill his needs for her
attention, affection, acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.
But that’s not all …[/callout]

Making Love makes a man feel … loved!

Sadly enough, too many men have given up on being loved by a woman, which is one of man’s deepest longings. They have resigned themselves to settling for a measure of peace, giving up their hope for the fullness of a Joyous Marriage. And that’s sad.

… and the Lord has given us Hope!

‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. (Mark 10:7-8)

5 Reasons to Be Careful What You Say


Honest communication – especially between husband and wife – is essential for creating connection and lasting joy. But should you be able to say whatever you want to your mate?

I’ve always tried to be careful what I say to My Beloved. But many folks – mostly women, it seems; but some men, too – believe you should be able to say whatever you want to your mate. They call it “just being honest.”

On the other hand, some are too careful about what they say because they’re trying to get a particular response from their partner. Actually, that’s manipulation, and I’ve never seen it work to create true connection in any relationship.

The Psychology of Communication

As a Couples Psychologist, I’ve seen both extremes.

let it all out vs. tiptoeing around

And the sad thing is, most don’t even realize what they’re doing!
So here are my 5 Reasons for being careful what you say:

  1. Words can hurt. Think before you speak: Could what you are about to say be experienced as attacking, blaming, or criticizing? Just because you’re hurt does not give you the right to hurt someone in return.
  2. Words can heal. Be kind and gracious toward one another. You may have heard that “hurt people hurt people.” Consider what might be behind another’s behavior. Chances are they are acting defensively by being offensive.
  3. Words can curse. Assuming the worst about your mate and saying it aloud is the same as pronouncing a curse. Trust me. You don’t want to speak out that kind of potentially self-fulfilling prophecy! (James 3:10)
  4. Words can bless. Paul’s admonition to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:5) does not give you permission to tell your mate everything wrong with him/her. Instead speak the Truth about how God sees your mate: as His Dearly Beloved Child.
  5. Words are creative. What we think – and especially what we say – impacts the world around us. And that includes the people you love – as well as the people you don’t. We all believe the world is in more trouble than it’s ever been. Use the creative power of your words to make the world a better place.

Here are a few words from the Word about words.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. (Genesis 1:3)

I will proclaim the name of the Lord.
    Oh, praise the greatness of our God! (Deuteronomy 32:3)

As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:10-11)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:1-5)

Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” (Revelation 19:9)

Don’t Fight Your Lead!

memories swing team psychology of men

You know I love to dance, right? Well, our wonderful friends on the Memories Swing Team offered to teach me the Lindy Hop. And I finally took them up on it one Monday. What a blast!

Because I’ve already learned to dance many different styles, I jumped into the Intermediate Class. I learned the count (6 or 8) and just followed my lead.

If he was strong and confident, our dance went smoothly.

When I danced with one of the less experienced dancers, it was a bit more of a challenge. But it gave me a chance to encourage and bless … mostly with smiles and laughter.

How cool is that?

Chatting with one of the Team members later,
I related my feelings about my first lesson.  His reply?

[callout]“You’re a good follow because you aren’t afraid to let go of control.
You don’t fight your lead.”[/callout]

That’s a good idea for all of us. Right ladies?
A man is expected to take the lead in life,
and he’s responsible for the outcome.

Men need to let go of control as well.
They need to give control to the Lord and learn to follow Him.

A bit of wisdom from the dance floor: The psychology of men makes them a good lead in Christian marriage. So, Ladies, let’s not distract our men from the Lord’s leadership by trying to take over the dance. Just smile and enjoy, affirming them when they get it right.

Today’s Thought …
Don’t Fight Your Lead.

It makes warfare much harder on the enemy!

… in order that Satan might not outwit us.
For we are not unaware of his schemes. (
2 Corinthians 2:11)

Lessons from the Dance Floor


Whether you’re young or old, you need to learn about mutual submission in Christian marriage: It’s the Beauty of the Dance of Romance!

It’s the guy’s role to make the dance an enjoyable experience for his girl. So he needs to pay close attention to what she likes and what she isn’t comfortable with.

But he can’t take responsibility for pleasing you if you’re always one step ahead of him. You have to let him lead.

That is, your goal is to get into sync with his rhythm. And you do that for one reason:

It will build his confidence as your leader.

No, he won’t get it right all the time. And neither will you. You’re both learning.

If he’s your husband – or you want him to be – it’s even more important that you learn how to encourage his leadership, especially when he’s off a bit. You could give him feedback, but he can tell by the expression on your face when he’s off. He’s way more sensitive to that than you realize.

The best part, however, is that when he’s “off” you get the opportunity to pray for him and to trust the Lord, Who is responsible for leading your lead.

How cool is that?

The Beauty of Submission
in an Ephesians 5 Romance
the Truth about Love by Dr. Debi Smith