Understanding Women and Anger

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The issue of, of women and anger in a relationship is a very confusing one for a lot of men. When they see their wives upset with them, all they know is that she is angry. They never think to look past that anger to what might be underneath all of that. And what I found is that most of the time, what looks like anger on the surface is actually just panic.

You’re not listening to me. You’re not responding to me. And it can feel a little bit like a woman is drowning. And so to her partner, who’s supposed to be the rescuer in all of this anxiety? She ends up actually pulling him under in her emotions, much as someone who’s trying to save a drowning person would be pulled under the water by this sense of panic of the person he’s trying to rescue.

That’s really what’s going on.

But it’s very difficult when you’re the victim of this verbal attack. It can feel very much like she’s just angry. So to begin to think that maybe she’s just afraid and to figure out what it is that she’s afraid of could be very, very helpful.

Women also have a really hard time when men are angry. It really doesn’t matter if it’s us that our fellow is angry towards. Even if he’s just angry in general, it scares us.

It really is very, very scary for a woman to be around an angry man.

The first thing that she’ll think of is, “Did I do something? Why are you so mad at me?”

And it could be the other drivers, or it could be something going on at work. It could be that you don’t feel well or whatever. But if it comes across as anger, women get very terrified by that as well.

So when women are terrified, they come across as angry. And when men are angry, it terrifies women.

We have a vicious cycle of anxiety that often goes on within a relationship. So that again, that’s something that we need to be aware of and start to work on. As we develop closer, more intimate, supportive relationships with one another.

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
(2 Corinthians 13:11)

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