Living in Love Archives | Page 71 of 72

November 3, 2015May 25, 2021

My Boldest Prayer

Just over a year ago, I prayed the boldest prayer I’ve ever prayed. And I’ve prayed a lot of prayers. But this one was life-changing in ways I could never have imagined. And I did ask for it.

I’d just boarded a plane headed east to meet my youngest grandson for the first time. Exhausted, I opted for a silent flight. No music. No internet. Not even a book or magazine. Just my earplugs … and 4+ hours of quiet time with the Lord.

What should we talk about?

Prayer changes things. And people.

As you know from reading My Story, my life has been one challenge after another. Many of my lifelong dreams have remained just out of reach. Even now, I consider only a few of my endeavors to have been successful ones.

My three amazing sons (grown with their own families)
My three psychology degrees (BA, MA, PsyD)

It was July by now, and for several months the Lord had been talking to me about establishing a Christian Couples Retreat Center. [You can read the back story here.] The ideas flooded in as fast as I could write them down. “No one is doing anything like this,” I quickly realized. “The concept is totally unique, Lord! Very romantic and exciting!”

There were just a few problems, however.

Although I certainly have the training for it, I couldn’t help but wonder. Why on earth would the Lord give such An Amazing Vision – such a unique and brilliant concept –

to a woman who has been divorced twice,
a woman who is clearly no longer a Spring Chick,
and who has very little in terms of material resources?

Seriously. No one has that kind of money these days.

But if God wants it, He certainly can make it happen. Right? But why me, Lord? What have I ever done? Yet who am I to question God’s choices for leadership in His Kingdom?

He’s picked a lot of unlikely candidates to advance the Kingdom throughout history.

Abraham (an old dude with no kids … at first)
Jacob (second-born son who’d been a liar and a cheat)
Joseph (a bragger who lived the life of a slave and prisoner)
Moses (another old dude … this one with a stick and a stutter)
Esther (an orphaned Jewish girl who became Queen of Persia)
David (a scrawny shepherd boy who failed to fit the armor, but became King)
and Paul (who persecuted Christians … then wrote most of the New Testament)

… just to name just a random few.

So why NOT Dr. Debi (an old dudette)? “Ok, Lord,” I prayed on the plane that day. “I’ve been reminding You of how old I am, and You keep ignoring me.

“Your idea for this Christian Couples Retreat Center is so far beyond anything I’ve ever done. So – assuming You really want me to do this – You’re going to have to put me on The Fast Track.”

“I know I’ve played it safe all my life. But from here on out, you call the shots, Papa. All of them. Let’s make the Second Half of My Life a Real Adventure! You write the script. I’ll follow Your direction and do whatever You ask of me. Whatever You ask.”

At the time, “The Fast Track” I had in mind meant He’d have to start teaching me a ton-at-a-time about how to run the multi-dimensional business that He’d shown me.

Nope. Not even close.

What He’s done is put me on His Fast Track. He’s challenging me like I’d never imagined possible. And refining me in ways I didn’t know I needed to be refined. Here are just a few things I’m learning at a deeper level … so far.

Submit to His Lordship. If He’s in charge, then He’s in charge. Follow Him always.
Trust in His Goodness. For everything. I mean literally. Everything. Anxious for nothing. I mean literally. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Stand on His Promises. I’m learning to hear His voice best and to take Him at His Word. Always. Because He never lies. Never. And nothing is too hard for Him.

Is this a new thing? I suspect it’s something He’s had planned all along.

I’ve always wanted to make a difference. And that was my goal when I began college as a single mom [and later, graduate school]. I wanted to help at least one person live a better life. But was that a new thought for me at age 40?

No, indeed. I recently recalled a time in junior high school. Yes, that’s when it was. Though I don’t remember the specific context, I’m sure it was during my Youth Group. The passion of it all – still fresh on my mind today – as I eagerly responded – even as Isaiah did – to the voice of the Lord. And I don’t think He’s ever forgotten it either.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
“Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

QUESTIONS: What Passionate Pursuit have you had on hold? How long has Your Dream been waiting for you? And what would it take to get you going again?

October 31, 2015February 13, 2023

Can Women Be Trusted with a Man’s Heart?

“Wondering Wounded” asked:

“I would like your interpretation of a man who seems more interested in spending his time with other men.

“I went out with him a few times and we really hit it off, but he suddenly withdrew without much explanation.

“He spends most of his time on hobby of Ham Radio consisting of mostly men friends, and he also spends much time going to Tradorees and trading and selling vintage Boy Scout patches (once again mostly men and boys attend these). Most of (90%) the friends he has on social networking sites are also men. He does not go out with women often in fact it is rare. Do these things indicate he might be gay?”

Dear “Wondering Wounded,”

No, they don’t. In fact, there are many, many reasons a man would prefer to be alone … or in the company of other men. Most have to do with issues of safety.

Dr. Stephen Bergman described a common emotional experience he refers to as male relational dread. This fear is characterized by a sense of inevitable, never-ending disaster and an expectation of immense and irreparable damage. The closer a man feels to a woman, the more intense his dread. He feels unsafe, guilty, incompetent, and ashamed in this uncharted territory.

Under the pressure of needing to fix things, he is overcome by an exponential increase in his dread. Even though he may desperately want connection, a man may interfere with activation of his own attachment system by

“withdrawing, striking out, tuning out, changing the subject, joking, being nice, falling silent” (Bergman, 1995, p. 83).

As Dr. Bergman has observed in his workshops, men may have sufficient experiential evidence that disconnection is the better, safer, way to go.

“The men—sometimes with good reason—did not trust the women to let go of their images of men and to accept male vulnerability” (Bergman, 1995, p. 83).

Want to know more? Check out the
Quick Start Guide to Understanding Men

September 26, 2015May 1, 2021

Let Joy Be Your Strength

Why process life – and marriage – through the lens of suffering when we have something better instead? Jesus processed life through Joy and it gave Him strength! (Hebrews 12:2)

I write a lot. Much is actually handwritten. So recently I ordered several journals from Amazon. My favorite has a watercolor painting of a hummingbird. Something stirred in me when I saw it, so I went to Google and learned that, in some cultures and religions, the hummingbird is a symbol of resurrection and joy. Who knew?

Life is hard – to be sure.

Like you, I’ve been facing some pretty tough challenges these past few years – and still am. Not that life was a piece of cake prior, of course. And if you’ve read my story, you know that already.

As we each process all that’s happening around us and around the world, we have a choice to make. It’s simple really. I must choose – each day – between death and life:

I can process life through the lens of Suffering.
Or I can process life through the lens of Joy.

Suffering is a given.

But how we process it makes a HUGE difference in how we experience Life and Love and God. Here are a couple of not-so-productive ways to look at suffering.

It means I’m bad. When we focus on suffering, we open the door to shame.

God is displeased with me. I must work harder to improve my behavior if I want a good outcome – in this life and the one hereafter. God helps those who help themselves.

We know that’s not God’s perspective. But we often think, feel, and act like it is. Very sad.

It means I’m good. Or focus on suffering can turn me into a self-righteous martyr.

How good of me to suffer with the likes of you. You’re so lucky to have a great Christian wife like me. It’s okay because I’m earning stars in my crown by putting up with your faults.

Yep. When I “benefit” from adversity in that way, I rarely – if ever – make progress. And life continues to go downhill – with my willful participation!

I give in to negativity.
And I give up on fulfilling the call the Lord has upon my life.

When I focus on Jesus instead …

I can’t help but be joyful. Joy is the one emotion that lasts throughout eternity. So why don’t we practice it more in the here-and-now?

Because we are bombarded with negativity. Much of it comes from within our own camp. Just this morning, I received this word of inspiration by email:

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

I actually disagree with this way of looking at marriage. This point of view keeps us sin-focused – on our own sin, as well as our partner’s sin. It’s like trying to walk forward while looking behind you all the time. You’re bound to trip and stumble. And your reward is only available in the hereafter?

Instead, let’s focus on learning to walk in the Newness of Life in Christ!

This day is holy to our Lord.
Do not grieve, for the Joy of the Lord is your strength.
NEHEMIAH 8:10

Simply put, Marriage is a place to practice the Joy of the Lord. To see another person as God sees him. And to love him accordingly! Two simple steps:

Focus on the marriage you want to create.
Keep moving forward with your heart and your eyes fixed on Jesus.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Your spouse is the primary recipient of who you are. Let him reap all the benefits of your Joy in the Lord! Let Joy Be Your Strength & Reason for Living in Love!

Question: What is the biggest challenge you face in loving your mate? Share your answer in the comments box below.