How, What, & Why of Men

The boys were outside playing on a sunny afternoon in May, when my husband announced, “I don’t think I want to be married anymore.”

I was a hot mess.

My whole world suddenly fell apart. Everything I’d counted on was disappearing right before my eyes. As the painful, scary hours turned into months, all my hopes for higher education seemed lost as I gave everything I had to being a single mom … and keeping us all afloat.

  • Emotionally.
  • Spiritually.
  • Financially.

I needed to work full time again, leaving my sons to deal with the loss of their father, and now the loss of their mother … as they knew her.

The boys and I struggled for 4 1/2 years before something began to shift. Looking back on it now, I know it was The Lord Himself. Because whenever we think “impossible,” we can be absolutely sure He’s having a different thought.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.” ISAIAH 55:8-9

When The Lord puts His mind to something, hang on tight! It’s going to be a wild ride!

I was 40 by the time I started college, and – like most older students – I wanted the content of my studies to have practical application to everyday life. As a single mother raising three sons, choosing my topic was easy. Every paper I wrote was about boys and men.

Writing my dissertation on Mothers & Sons was also the obvious choice, in part because I had already collected so much information, but also because I realized I had so much more to learn!

I still wanted to know …

  • How men think
  • What – if anything – men feel
  • Why they tend to do what they do

I was in for a real surprise. Men have been eager to share with me. Probably because I’m one of the few women who has cared enough to ask. And I don’t try to change them. That’s not what they need.

  • They not only have different biology, they have totally different life experiences that lead to a very different worldview.
  • Men feel very deeply. In fact, they are far more sensitive than we think they are. Even more sensitive than a woman – about certain things.
  • Their behavior reflects their God-given purpose on this earth and/or the frustrations around its non-fulfillment.

I have so much to tell you that it won’t fit in one post. So if you want to know more:

Why Men Think & Feel What They Do

Like most older students (I was 40 by the time I started college), I wanted the content of my studies to have practical application to everyday life. As a single mother raising three sons, choosing my topic was easy. Every paper I wrote was about boys and men.

Writing my dissertation on Mothers & Sons was also the obvious choice, in part because I had already collected so much information, but also because I realized I had so much more to learn!

I still wanted to know …

  • How men think
  • What – if anything – men feel
  • Why they tend to do what they do

And once I earned my doctorate, I had more opportunity to conduct my own qualitative, case study research. I was in for a real surprise. Men have been eager to share with me. Probably because I’m one of the few women who has cared enough to ask. And I don’t try to change them. That’s not what they need.

Men need to be understood and respected because:

  • They not only have different biology, they have very different life experiences that lead to a totally different worldview.
  • Men feel very deeply. In fact, they are far more sensitive than we think they are. Even more sensitive than a woman – about certain things.
  • Their behavior reflects their God-given purpose on this earth and/or the frustrations around its non-fulfillment.

Learn more in this free preview > A Wise Woman’s Guide to Creating a Joyful Marriage

How to Receive God’s Promises

Looking over my journals for the last 20+ years, I can clearly see how much time I’ve spent whining & begging God to do something. My journals look a lot different nowadays as I’m learning to abide, to receive, and to give thanks for what God

  • has done for me in Jesus,
  • is now doing in my present circumstances,
  • and all He has planned for my future in this life.

In other words, my approach to my relationship with Him is becoming more present-future focused. Hallelujah!

You don’t have to beg God to give you something He’s already promised. Just learn to abide in His love.

  1. Abide means “to remain in, comply with, obey, observe, follow, keep to, hold to, conform to, adhere to, stick to, stand by, act in accordance with, uphold, heed, accept, go along with, acknowledge, respect.”
    Jesus said: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
  2. Receive means “to be given, presented with something.” God is the Creator and Initiator of all things. He freely gives us His Love in His Son (John 3:16) through the Holy Spirit (John 16:13). Plus he freely give us grace (Ephesians 1:6), peace (John 14:27), and wisdom (James 1:5).
    Paul wrote:Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?” For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. (Romans 11:35-36)
  3. Gratefulness means “warm or deep appreciation for kindness or benefits received; thankfulness for something received from another.”
    Paul encouraged: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

BOTTOM LINE: Abiding, receiving, and being grateful takes your focus off what’s wrong and puts it on what’s right. Whatever you think about will be magnified, not only in your mind, but in your heart and your actions as well. And it’s the only way marriage can be truly enjoyed for a lifetime … in case you were wondering.