A Wise Woman’s Guide to Biblical Romance

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A 6-Week Course for Women
Married. Engaged. Dating. Single.

Most Christian women are familiar with the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. However, women’s Bible studies on this topic don’t typically dive deeply into verses 11 and 12.

Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

A Wise Woman wants to know what that looks like in real life because “the wise woman builds her house. But with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1

If you’re not sure that’s important for you right now, keep reading.

Does this sound like a familiar story?

You fell in love with your best friend. He was all you thought about. In fact, just the thought of him made your heart skip a beat. Every time you saw him, your face lit up. You couldn’t help but smile.

Best of all, he lavished all his attention on you.

He spent excessive amounts of time with you, inviting you into his world to do all the things he loved. And you loved doing those things too because it meant being with him.

He talked constantly. He texted. He emailed. He called you on the phone, not because he had something important to say, but because he wanted to hear your voice, to be near you, even if only connected through technology.

He shared his hopes and his dreams.

If you were paying attention, you realized that he was also telling you about his deepest fears. When he started to do that, he was giving you his heart. You couldn’t get enough of him. He was your knight in shining armor. What could he possibly fear?

You believed he was wonderful and that would be enough to see him – both of you – through anything together. Maybe you said something. Maybe you remained silent. Either way, your response to his vulnerability went undetected in favor of keeping the romance alive. You loved that endorphin rush and didn’t want to lose it.

You were scared, too. But you didn’t want him to know it.

You tried to appear perfect, although you were confused by your own ambivalence. The closer you got to giving your heart away, the more you felt like you had to hold up the pretense or run away. Either way, your response went undetected in favor of keeping the romance alive. He loved that endorphin rush, and you didn’t want to take that away from him.

Then something changed.

You don’t understand what happened. You’re not even sure when it happened. Suddenly, his attention shifted. Maybe it was after you married. More than likely, it started while you were still dating. We women are great at ignoring red flags. But your spirit noticed because we women are sensitive to emotional distancing.

The change in you in response to the change in the relationship was subtle at first.

Instead of responding to his lavish attention, you shifted deeper into defensive mode. You tried to talk with him, to find out what was wrong. But he wouldn’t say anything. That just made you even more afraid that something was seriously wrong, something that you wanted fixed because you loved what you had together and didn’t want to lose it.

Trying to talk about it didn’t work, so you were silent, withdrawing into yourself, talking to yourself. You repeatedly recounted all your own faults, either trying to deny their existence or taking on full blame for everything as the impact of your imagined sins only.

Your girlfriends noticed, and some gave you unsolicited advice.

Others blamed him. No one was able to shed light and truth on the subject. You had a real dilemma on your hands. Should you pursue him? Should you reassure him? Should you try to get him into counseling with you? Should you give up and simply walk away?

Your heart was breaking, and no one had the answer. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

This is just one variation of the tragic love story.

Your own love story might be playing out differently. But one thing is true for all of us: We don’t understand men any more than they understand us.

Instead of being taught how to stay connected to one another, we are taught that romance cannot last. If it does, you aren’t living in “reality.”

You’re told you need to grow up, lower your expectations, and accept that what you have now – as lonely as it may feel – is as good as it gets. After all, no one can stay “high” on romance for a lifetime.

Adapting to your “new normal” doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Or biblical.

Marriage was designed to meet most of your emotional needs – and his. But we’ve been taught the lie that depending on one another in that way is dysfunctional.

So our needs often go unmet, or we go outside the marriage to look for the answers. Infidelity (unfaithfulness) doesn’t always take place in the arms of another man. More often, it occurs when we turn to our girlfriends to validate our feelings, mostly by husband-bashing. We don’t realize what we’re doing, but we are betraying our best friend in the process.

Your love story does not have to end this way.

Instead of lowering your expectations for marriage, that “suddenly” shift means it’s time to deepen your expectations. What does that mean?

Improving your relationship will require two distinct steps.

1. First, you need to take a closer look at your own identity as a woman.

Proverbs 31 provides a beautiful description of the virtuous woman. But today’s woman often interprets that passage as justification for her competitive drive to do everything all the time for everyone and do it better than her sisters do. Women can be ruthless with this. Ever heard of “mom shaming?”

You are not like every other woman on the planet. You are unique physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and in terms of your personal preferences. If you want to be a Wise Woman, stop watching what other women are doing and start studying yourself. Find out who God create you to be, and do that. Relentlessly.  

2. Second, learn the truth about men.

Because we live the 21st century, you may not realize that you are reading Proverbs 31 through the popular lens of radical feminism, which means you’re not seeing the part about how the virtuous woman relates to and honors her husband.

No, you are not less than he is. You are equal to him in value, but different in terms of you strengths and vulnerabilities. You actually complement one another perfectly.

But if you don’t know exactly what’s different, why you’re different, and how to dance together, you won’t be able to create the biblical romance God designed you to enjoy. In other words, you’ve missed a HUGH part of your essential training for life, for having a positive impact on the world. And so has your husband.

I’m here to help. Because it’s never too late to learn the truth.

Had this knowledge been readily available to you in your home, at church, in your school, or at college, you would likely be in a different place today. As of this moment, however, you do have access to what every woman needs to know about themselves, about men, and about marriage.

What difference could that make for you?

“Dr. Debi helped me see that I had expectations for my husband based on my own expectations for myself. I expected my husband, who is mentally wired differently, raised differently, processes differently, communicates differently and is even biologically built differently, to act like me, a female. Once I was able to realize those differences, I was able to listen and learn what HE needed from me instead of what I thought he needed. This new outlook opened up new conversations which have led to a level of depth that neither of us knew existed.” ~ Emily

“I’ve been telling so many women how your seminar & book saved my marriage. I’m so excited to share this life changing info with all the women in my life.” ~ Lisa

Join me live for Biblical Romance: Spring 2023 Edition

Learn the truth about yourself, your man, and your marriage. And if you don’t have a man or a marriage right now, this is your opportunity to prepare for the future!

Back by popular demand, this 6-week course is taught live on my private video platform.

Class size is limited to 8 students, so register now.

Dr. Debi Smith, PsyD

The course will cover:

  1. The beauty and strength of your feminine Identity in the 21st Century
  2. How God made men and women to be different, and why that matters
  3. The meaning and joy-filled experience of biblical romance and marriage

Your registration includes:

LIVE Wednesday
Afternoon Classes

Enrollment is limited to 8 students. All classes will be live on my private video platform.

6 Weeks: 4/19, 4/26, 5/3, 5/10, 5/17, 5/24
Time: 4-5:30pm, Texas Time
Cost: $147 $97

LIVE Wednesday
Morning Classes

Enrollment is limited to 8 students. All classes will be live on my private video platform.

6 Weeks: 5/10, 5/17, 5/24, 5/31, 6/7, 6/14
Time: 11a,-12:30pm, Texas Time
Cost: $147 $97

If you cannot attend classes for either of the Live options, you can still buy the On-Demand Course. Available 6/1/23.

Save $20 using COUPON CODE: SPRING20
Discount ends April 1, 2023
NOTE: Does not include softcover book.

If you have questions, please feel free to contact me here.

DISCLAIMER: The information provided in this course is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to replace a professional evaluation or treatment for emotional and relational concerns. If you are experiencing severe distress or believe you may be a victim of domestic violence, please contact a licensed mental health professional for assistance. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.