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April 7, 2017April 2, 2017

Day 5: Why Me?

You know My Story. I was raised apart from my father. Married at 18. Divorced by 35. A single mom with 3 sons, very little work experience, and a high school diploma. I don’t know if I ever asked, “Why me?” Honestly, that shipped sailed so long ago that I don’t remember. But I did ask questions. A lot of questions.

Perhaps your story is similar in some way. Your dreams didn’t come true, and you’ve tried to understand. Perhaps you’ve asked one (or more) of these questions:

Why did this have to happen?
What did I do to deserve this?
What am I missing out on because of this?

So why do bad things happen?

Asking why – or any of those other questions – will never get us anywhere.
In other words, how you see the problem is the problem.

Consider it pure joy?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing
of your faith produces perseverance. (James 1:2-3)

[callout]How does that work?
Ask a different question instead.[/callout]

“What does this experience make possible?”
Some examples …

Failure develops humility.
Waiting develops patience.
Grief develops gratefulness.
Hardship develops strength.
Opposition develops fortitude.

All of which will bear fruit in a practical way.

For instance – although I had never ever wanted to go through divorce – that experience made something new possible. My dream of going to college was always simmering on the back burner. But I hadn’t the freedom to go to school and manage my marriage at the same time. My then-husband opposed all my attempts for self-improvement. His decision to leave freed me to become who I am created to be.

Failure. Waiting. Grief. Hardship. Opposition. It took me 4 1/2 years more to actually get started, but once I did, I fairly flew. My experience had developed New Stuff in me. Humility. Patience. Gratefulness. Strength. Fortitude.

PLUS a Bachelor’s of Arts degree. A Master of Arts degree. And a Doctor of Psychology degree. All back-to-back!!! Who could have seen that coming?

And where I am now in the process of life
is deepening who I am in Christ!

[callout]Jesus has given me Beauty instead of ashes.
Just as He promised.[/callout]

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:1-3)

So here are my questions for you:

What does your current (or past) experience make possible that you would have missed without it? What is The Lord wanting to give you instead?

February 19, 2016May 19, 2020

To Pray More Effectively, You May Need to Pray Differently.

Most women pray for their men, of course. But what is the content of your prayers?

Are you just telling the Lord to help him to get his act together so your life will be easier?
Or are you sincerely interested in meeting your man’s emotional needs?

If you want to pray effectively for your man, you’ll need to get into the cave with him.

Spiritually and emotionally speaking, that is (this takes time with the Holy Spirit).
Rather than verbally or invasively (which we do in our flesh) as noted in my post about the Man Cave.

For example, don’t insist he talk about his feelings. Because he may not fully understand them yet himself.

Instead, Learn to Pray Differently

The first steps are simple.

Listen more.
Talk less.

That alone will give him more space to talk – when he’s ready. And you’ll learn the most you can about him. He may not say much. But listen to his words. And pay attention to his actions. His actions will speak loudest.

The latter steps take time.

Listen to the Holy Spirit.
Pray according to God’s will.

Because you’re not a man, you’ll need a spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) that will enable you to pray for him in accordance with God’s will and perspective on the situation. Yes, you may have some great ideas, but this may not be the best time to share them with your man. Wait upon the Lord, trusting that He cares a lot more about what’s going on with your man than you do.

Warning!

Keep the content of your prayers between you and the Lord. Your man’s vulnerability is not a subject you should be sharing with your mother, your sister, or your girlfriends.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. (Ephesians 1:17)

He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

February 17, 2016April 2, 2017

Why Won’t He Talk to Me?

A lifetime of experience impacts the way a man communicates. But we women often don’t understand a man’s silence. So the Man Cave feels like stonewalling at best – and abandonment at worst. But the Man Cave isn’t stonewalling at all. Unless a woman tries to force her way though. Then she’s got Double Trouble.

Simply knowing that her man is struggling is not enough, because that only serves to trigger a woman’s natural desire to reach out and encourage him … to get him to talk to her … to try to convince him that she is his Safe Haven.

But a lifetime of experience has taught him otherwise.

Her efforts to connect will feel like an invasion to him … and/or add to his sense of guilt and shame that he hasn’t got a solution. Both of which will result in an immediate increase in his defensiveness – usually by strengthening his wall.

And being shut out makes her more anxious … worried about him … and about herself. It feels like the Beginning of the End to her, and she often doesn’t understand why.

Do you know why men stonewall?

Believe it or not, the initial purpose of the stonewall has nothing to do with hurting you. That’s not the purpose of the Man Cave either. Most women find it helpful to know the difference. Because it helps them know what to do – and find a better way to pray.

I’ll post more on this topic tomorrow. But as a first step toward better understanding, I invite you – if you haven’t already done so – to enroll in my free 15-day e-course now. Learn more here.

To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)