Made for Each Other

made for each other

Eve was created for Adam. He didn’t even know he needed anything. But God did. And she was exactly what he needed. Likewise, Adam was exactly what Eve needed. He was her Joy and Bliss. Man and Woman are made for each other. We get to enjoy this Truth as we follow the Holy Spirit.

Why on earth would we want to listen to the enemy? Clearly Adam and Eve were made in the likeness of God … and made for each other. The enemy hated their Image (identity) and their Romance (relationship).

  • He lied to Eve.
  • Wounded Adam.
  • Messed up Romance.

If your life has been anything like mine, the enemy has messed with your Image and your Romance on more than one occasion. So you may find it difficult to embrace the Truth that man and woman are made for each other. But we are! By God Himself, and …

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b)

The Beauty of a Woman

A woman is creatively designed to follow, and her man’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well. Her skill at following him is incredibly important because …

  • Without her, he’s got no hope for becoming all that he could be.
  • And you can’t be a leader if no one is willing to follow you.

She has so much in common with a man. She’s very much like him, yet so very different. She’s soft and curvy. Smells sweet. Emotionally sensitive. Expressive. She sees things differently than he does. Which makes him wonder how she comes up with stuff.

But that’s how she’s got his back.
As well as how he’s got hers!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

The Wonder of a Man

A Man is creatively designed to lead, and his woman’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well.

  • He’s bigger and stronger.
  • He excels in her affirmation.
  • He stands taller in her admiration.
  • And he adores her more than words can say.

But He’s actually more sensitive than she is … and to different things than she is. His sensitivity is primary when it comes to her. Which motivates him to protect her. To provide for her. To be willing to die for her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 25-33)

Made for Each Other

So many people – both pastors and psychology-types – totally miss this! I’m still amazed at how. I guess the enemy’s deceitful tactics have to be more subtle when he’s trying to undermine these educated professionals’ attempts to renew or repair Image and Romance, eh? After all, if he’s too obvious, we’d all throw him out.

But it’s right there in the Bible!
And it’s our everyday life.

So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

I find the Possibilities exciting!
Very exciting indeed!
Don’t you?

Are you longing to be loved?

unconditional love

In the study of human relationships, Psychology and Christianity both explore what it is to be loved. But they’re often at odds about how we should love. One focuses on reciprocity (conditional love), whereas the other focuses on giving (unconditional love). Which of these describes your SOP? And how’s that working out for you?

We’re born vulnerable. And we stay that way … if we’re healthy, that is.
Because vulnerability is a requirement for emotional connection with others.

But Life Experience has told us all to “watch out!”

We’ve all been disappointed and hurt by someone we counted on. And the fact is that the people we love – those who matter most to us – have the power to hurt us most.

Some of us have been abused. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Sexually. Spiritually. Indeed, every aspect of our vulnerability can be a target for abuse. If that’s you, you need to set boundaries. That’s biblical. And it makes total (psychological + spiritual) sense to seek help in establishing those boundaries. In fact, sticking around for more abuse actually enables someone else’s sin by interfering with the biblical principle of sowing and reaping (Galatians 6:7). That is, when you abuse someone, you lose them.

NOTE: Do not blame the victim! Take care of her (or him)!

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again … (Romans 8:15a)

God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15b)

But as a Psychologist, I know we can take “boundaries” too far.
Especially in marriage counseling!

What was designed to keep people safe has been perverted into a self-justification for our tendency to be self-serving. Most believe – with the help of psychology – that if you aren’t getting what you want from a relationship, demand it. Or manipulate. And if the other person doesn’t respond the way you want him to? Replace him?

GOOD NEWS! His “insensitivity” is often not even about you.

No woman wants to be referred to as “The Princess” or “The Diva” or “The Old Lady.” All those titles described a self-centered woman who has no clue that men are people, too.

Honestly, most women are just dealing poorly with hurt feelings. But you can avoid name-calling (and deal with your own hurt) with a simple-but-not-always-easy strategy.

Unconditional Love

The Fact-of-the-Matter is, even if you’re married to an emotionally healthy (yes, most men are emotionally healthy despite the pain of their upbringing), usually kind, godly man, he won’t be perfect at meeting your emotional needs.

He is a human being, right? So perhaps it’s his emotion needs that aren’t being met! And, unfortunately, men are not the best at asking for what they need.

So if he’s inattentive or unkind in a way that’s out of character for him, ask The Lord these three questions:

  1. What is happening in his life now that might cause him to be this way?
  2. What is it that You want him to have or to be right now?
  3. How can I partner with You the process?

Follow God’s Example

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2)

And it’s perfectly all right to ask The Lord
to help your man love you again.

Love Doesn’t Punish

But that’s what happens to most men … on a regular basis. As one man told researcher Dr. Brené Brown,

… you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see … my wife and my three daughters? They’d rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And don’t tell me it’s from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else. (transcript)

Determine not to punish him – to shame him for his vulnerability. Because …

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:38)

And soak up all the Jesus you can – all day, every day!
Because you need unconditional love, too!

NOTE: If this post on unconditional love raises questions for you, please send a message to mail@drdebismith.com. I will respond personally as time permits.

A Metaphor for Christian Marriage

Fred & Dr. Debi and the Memories Swing Team dance the *Congress of Vienna Waltz at Mariners Church in Irvine, CA. Vintage dance is stylish, elegant, easy to learn, fun, very romantic, and a great metaphor for Christian Marriage.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ~ Ephesians 5:21

This passage applies to the body of believers in fellowship with one another, so it naturally applies to husbands and wives as well. However, just how husbands and wives are to submit to one another is easily misunderstood in our current culture.

That’s what Ephesians 5 Romance is all about — learning what submission looks like in the 21st Century. In this workshop couples learn to pay attention to one another’s needs and to be responsive to one another in light of his/her unique design and purpose.

* Congress of Vienna, music performed by Bangers and Mash, Breakfast at Fezziwig’s CD, available at www.bangersandmash.us, used by permission. Choreography by John Hertz.