Although you can do a lot to improve your situation, it still takes two people to make a marriage. So before we go any further, we need to talk about the proverbial elephant in the room. (Actually, there are at least four of them.) If infidelity or abandonment is part of your story (as it was mine), there’s not much you can do unless your mate repents AND you want to reconcile. If you are in the midst of the crisis and want to stand for your marriage, I recommend these resources.
It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: finding unexpected strength when disappointments leave you shattered *
by Lysa TerKeurst
New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst unveils her heart amid shattering circumstances and shows readers how to live assured when life doesn’t turn out like they expected.
What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she’s also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
- Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
- Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
- Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
- Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
Love Must Be Tough: New hope for marriages in crisis*
by Dr. James Dobson
You’ve forgiven a thousand times. You’ve bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted. But the only reward for your loyalty has been anger, indifference, infidelity, or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk out the door.
Do you feel like all is lost? Are you ready to give up? There IS still hope.
Dr. James Dobson’s “tough love” principles have proven to be uniquely valuable and effective. Unlike most approaches to marriage crisis, the strategy in this groundbreaking classic does not require the willing cooperation of both spouses. Love Must Be Tough offers the guidance that gives you the best chance of rekindling romance, renewing your relationship, and drawing your partner back into your arms.
One More Try: what to do when your marriage is falling apart *
by Gary Chapman
When doors slam and angry words fly, when things just aren’t working out, and even when your spouse has destroyed your trust, there is still hope. If you feel like your marriage is near the breaking point, or even if you’ve already separated, Gary Chapman will show you how you can give your marriage one more try.
One More Try will help you . . .
- Take the next step when blindsided in marriage;
- Discover healthy ways to manage frustration and anger;
- Effectively deal with loneliness;
- Renew hope and trust in your spouse; and
- Rebuild your marriage from the ground up.
Distress or even separation do not necessarily mean divorce is imminent. Matter of fact, it’s possible that these may even lead to a restored, enriched, growing marriage. The outcome of this challenging time is determined solely by the individuals involved. If you’re willing to make the most of that process, then begin the journey with confidence as Gary walks you step-by-step towards healing and hope.
*The content of this book has been significantly revised and updated from its previous title Hope for the Separated.
Infidelity: Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hardheartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.” Matthew 19:8-9, The Message
Abandonment: If the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. 1 Corinthians 7:15, The Message
*Amazon affiliate link: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Your love story matters.
The Negative Cycle reminds me of a poster my dentist has on the ceiling at his office. He put it there so his patients would have something to look at while they’re in the chair. I think about it sometimes because it reminds me of myself. It’s a picture of a tiny kitten looking up helplessly from the bottom of large cardboard box.