Early Life Experience

Truth Will Set You Free

The enemy lies to kids. He takes Early Life Experience, makes up a Lie about it, and tells a kid that is who he is. And that’s who he’ll always be. The enemy says stuff like:

  • No one wants you.
  • You always mess up.
  • No one will ever help you.
  • You have to figure it out alone.
  • You’re worthless and unlovable.

You can’t get lower than lying to a kid.

Because a kid accepts a Lie as though it were Truth.

Psychiatrist Alfred Adler suggested that we spend our lives striving
to overcome the sense of inferiority created by our own fictional finalism.

Spiritually speaking, the enemy’s lies color how you see the world. If left unchallenged, these lies act as a filter for your current experience.


You automatically filter your thoughts, emotions, and behavior
in a way that confirms your core belief about yourself. That is, you …
“play it again, Sam.”

But The Lord gives you Do-Overs so you can correct your beliefs to match His!

Your current behavior is a First Clue about what you believe about yourself. For instance, when your relationship goes sideways, which of the following describe what you do?early life experience

  • I attack
  • I blame
  • I criticize
  • I leave
  • I defend
  • I clam up
  • I withdraw
  • I get quiet
  • I avoid conflict
  • I become cold or aloof

What you feel is your Second Clue to what you believe about yourself. Let’s talk about feelings next time.

To be continued …

Adversity & Joy

adversity & joy

As an official Late Bloomer, I spent a lot of years in survival mode. Struggling through college as a single mom.

Then grad school and trying to build a business.

My counseling practice launched when I got my Psychology License.

October 2007. Several of my clients were in real estate. Most were small business owners.

Economic issues hit them.
Then they hit me.

Teaching kept me going financially.
But working in three cities got to be too much.

So in May 2010 I left teaching to pursue my One True Passion.

Faith or Foolishness? Poor Timing?
Or the wrong area of expertise?

During my post-doctoral work, I had developed a passion for helping Couples.

As a twice-divorced woman, no church wanted me as their marriage expert.

Thus far, it hasn’t seemed to matter that The Lord filled me with a Passion to fight divorce in Orange County. Because – as you can see – very little has worked in my favor in fulfilling that desire.

I held on for as long as I could. Fought as hard as I could.
My resources gave out. The Father stopped me in my tracks.

During this time of uncertainty, I’ve been tempted to reinvent myself – my calling. But my Passion is so deeply ingrained in who I am that I have no idea where to begin.

So I wait. And I listen.

And I’ve learned to live in Joyful Anticipation.

The first thing The Lord has done is to show me Who He is for me. He never allows trials without an opportunity to become more like Him. In fact, that’s His primary desire for me. That’s why James said to count it all joy when we face trials of all kinds (James 1:2-8). Because every Trial has both a Test and a Temptation.

  • A test is God’s way of revealing who we are becoming in Christ.
  • The temptation is to allow the enemy to convince us of who we are not.

So the second thing The Lord has shown me is who He created me to be. From a purely material perspective, I’ve wasted my life learning about love, teaching others how to love and be loved, and never experiencing it for myself.

The enemy wants you to conclude that you are worthless in the Kingdom – and believe on a deeper level – that you are unwanted and unlovable.

mr-knightlyPerhaps I’m like Emma. She loved the idea of love. And played matchmaker to everyone in her community. Although she saw love from a distance, she couldn’t imagine what real love would be like for herself. But all the while, she was being prepared for Mr. Knightly.

Knowing who I am created to be – and I’ve heard it from multiple sources, including directly from The Father – should have made my priorities clear. But during this season of isolation – when I’ve little opportunity to work – He reminds me daily that He has given me a higher calling.

So has my education and experience been wasted? Or has it been my personal preparation to love and to be loved by this one man?

To be continued …

Made for Each Other

made for each other

Eve was created for Adam. He didn’t even know he needed anything. But God did. And she was exactly what he needed. Likewise, Adam was exactly what Eve needed. He was her Joy and Bliss. Man and Woman are made for each other. We get to enjoy this Truth as we follow the Holy Spirit.

Why on earth would we want to listen to the enemy? Clearly Adam and Eve were made in the likeness of God … and made for each other. The enemy hated their Image (identity) and their Romance (relationship).

  • He lied to Eve.
  • Wounded Adam.
  • Messed up Romance.

If your life has been anything like mine, the enemy has messed with your Image and your Romance on more than one occasion. So you may find it difficult to embrace the Truth that man and woman are made for each other. But we are! By God Himself, and …

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b)

The Beauty of a Woman

A woman is creatively designed to follow, and her man’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well. Her skill at following him is incredibly important because …

  • Without her, he’s got no hope for becoming all that he could be.
  • And you can’t be a leader if no one is willing to follow you.

She has so much in common with a man. She’s very much like him, yet so very different. She’s soft and curvy. Smells sweet. Emotionally sensitive. Expressive. She sees things differently than he does. Which makes him wonder how she comes up with stuff.

But that’s how she’s got his back.
As well as how he’s got hers!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

The Wonder of a Man

A Man is creatively designed to lead, and his woman’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well.

  • He’s bigger and stronger.
  • He excels in her affirmation.
  • He stands taller in her admiration.
  • And he adores her more than words can say.

But He’s actually more sensitive than she is … and to different things than she is. His sensitivity is primary when it comes to her. Which motivates him to protect her. To provide for her. To be willing to die for her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 25-33)

Made for Each Other

So many people – both pastors and psychology-types – totally miss this! I’m still amazed at how. I guess the enemy’s deceitful tactics have to be more subtle when he’s trying to undermine these educated professionals’ attempts to renew or repair Image and Romance, eh? After all, if he’s too obvious, we’d all throw him out.

But it’s right there in the Bible!
And it’s our everyday life.

So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

I find the Possibilities exciting!
Very exciting indeed!
Don’t you?