Making Sense of Men & Marriage

The wise woman builds her house,
    but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 14:1, NIV

Wisdom. Confidence. Beauty. Influence.

For more than a decade, I have been teaching women about biblical, research-based ways to understand and partner with the men they love.

That task completed (like it ever could be, right?), I decided to conduct a survey to find out what my readers would like from me next.

In particular, I wondered how to encourage men to build satisfying relationships by leading with confidence & compassion.

The results surprised me.

One man I interviewed believed I should switch my focus to writing for men & suggested I begin by reading his favorite book about manhood.

I took his suggestion seriously.

But as I dove into the material, I realized the author had failed to address a man’s need for a woman. He placed the entire burden of EVERYTHING on himself ALONE, ignoring the partnership God created from the Beginning. GENESIS 2:18, 1 CORINTHIANS 11:9

That’s when I had one of those “suddenly” moments we read about in the Bible … the good kind … an instant awareness of amazing Truth as in LUKE 2:8-14. We need a Wise Woman’s Guide to Life and Love!

Suddenly I realized that most women – including myself – don’t fully understand our value & our purpose in today’s world.

Therefore, I decided to continue my mission as-is: to seek a deeper understanding of what it means to be a woman in relationship with a man from a Christian perspective.

Another surprise …

An awful lot of books written for women fail to (or inadequately) address our biblical partnership with men, especially with our husbands. And I had another “suddenly” moment. Women – in God’s original design – are way more important on this earth than we’ve been led to believe!

Wisdom itself is personified as a Woman!

Who knew, right? You did, actually.

  • What woman doesn’t want to be wise?
  • And what man doesn’t want a wise woman in his life?

In fact, women are a major theme in the Book of Proverbs. This verse jumped out at me first:

The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.


So the next thing we must ask is, “Who is this Wise Woman?”

  • How does she think differently than the foolish one?
  • How does she truly feel about her life & love?
  • What does she do differently daily?

Are you getting the silent treatment?

If this is a regular occurrence in your relationship, you are not alone in your pain.

According to research conducted by The Gottman Institute:

  • Men are consistently more likely to stonewall than women are.
  • Men will withdraw emotionally from conflict discussions, whereas women tend to remain emotionally engaged.
  • Results showed that 85% of stonewallers studied in the Love Lab were men.
  • However, when women stonewall, it was highly predictive of divorce.

Learn more in this free report!


A Grateful Heart

“I thank God for leading us to you and your sincere, knowledgeable and anointed spirit and teaching! From you, we’ve each learned a lot about each other, about communication, and in better understanding each others’ emotions.

“More importantly, I believe your teaching (and your “person”) has been instrumental in each of us strengthening our relationships with God (most importantly, my Husband’s). We cannot be thankful enough for you saving our marriage (would seem almost impossible to most), and also to restoring it to much better than before the separation! We love you.”

~ Jackson & Chalaun

“My wife and I saw Dr. Debi after being married for 23 years and she brought us back from a place where, in my opinion divorce was inevitable, to a loving, caring, more understanding relationship. I’ve since learned how to communicate better, be more patient, and realize that the two different backgrounds we both were raised from has a huge impact on how we deal with things today. Dr. Debi is amazing how she’s able to translate what a man is trying to say/tell his wife and have it make sense. She has an extraordinary insight on men and how they speak and what they need in a relationship. After seeing Dr. Debi I feel much closer to my wife and realize she’s the most important thing I have in my life, and I will protect her to my last breath. Thanks again Dr. Debi.”

~ Jeff

“Dr. Debi is amazing! She is caring, understanding and highly educated. She has been given a gift of being able to understand men and provide tools for them to communicate their thoughts & feelings in a way that women can understand. It’s remarkable. She is objective and wants your marriage to be successful, she wants you to be madly in love and she is able to provide the tools to get you there. She was able to bring us back from honestly what both my husband and I thought was an inevitable divorce. We are truly happier and more in love than we have ever been in our 23 year marriage. We are so very thankful for Dr. Debi – she is a gift from God.”

~ Mrs. Jeff

“Dr. Debi helped me see that I had expectations for my husband based on my own expectations for myself. I expected my husband, who is mentally wired differently, raised differently, processes differently, communicates differently and is even biologically built differently, to act like me, a female. Once I was able to realize those differences, I was able to listen and learn what HE needed from me instead of what I thought he needed. This new outlook opened up new conversations which have led to a level of depth that neither of us knew existed. We are extremely grateful to Dr. Debi for showing us the tools we need to love each other, respect each other, and take care of each other in the way that Christ intended us to.”

~ Emily

“Last fall, we were ready to call it quits. We fought constantly. But because of your great contribution, we had a wonderful anniversary celebration this weekend. We are enjoying our marriage! And we are thinking of you with full gratitude. Thank you so much, Dr. Debi.”

~ Tommy & Lucinda

“Marriage – like dancing – is so much sweeter when partners are in sync. Thank you, Dr. Debi, for providing a fun, informative evening filled with insight into the men in our lives and ways to improve our relationships. I only wish I had been aware of these simple tools years ago. It would have made the bumpy dance floor of life so much smoother!”

~ Marilyn

“I’ve been telling so many women how your seminar & book saved my marriage. I’m so excited to share this life changing info with all the women in my life.”

~ Lisa

Dr. Debi’s Books

“Male-female relationships can be difficult. Both genders need understanding and skills to have great connections. Dr. Debi has written a great book with biblical understanding, research-based principles, and applicable skills. The material will make significant gains in any relationship. I highly recommend this book.” ~ Dr. John Townsend, Organizational Consultant, Psychologist, & Co-Author of Boundaries

“Dr. Debi has a superb ability to write in a way that feels conversational and casual, while weaving together psychological research, her Christian faith, and her love of dance. This book offers the metaphor of dance for marriage and romance in a way that will invigorate your love for your spouse or perhaps your hope for a loving spouse one day. She uncovers how Scripture is a love story and how God hopes for us to find love in our own lives. Dr. Debi shares her own stories along the way, helping you to connect with her heart that will make you want to be a “hopeful romantic” too! This book will be a delight for you to read if you have ever wished that your marriage could be as romantic as the movies. But she helps you see that a relationship can be even deeper than the movies if you really learn to love your spouse the way that God intended. I highly recommend this book!” ~ Dr. Curtis Lehmann, Clinical Psychologist

Articles & Stories

Dealing with Conflict?

This quiz will help you assess how well you deal with conflict and whether you are able to make repairs to your relationship during and/or after an argument. Couple Quiz 3: Dealing With Conflict NOTE: This includes an old phone number. If you want to contact me, please visit my current Contact Page.

Let’s Talk about Men

Men are puzzling creatures. As little boys, they are cute. charming. adventurous. funny. However, our perspective changes as they become men. Their behavior doesn’t make sense. We wonder what they are thinking. Why do they disconnect? What bugs you most about men? Post your comments below, and let’s talk. If you prefer a private conversation, …

Choose life!

The choice is yours. The small decisions you make every day. All of them make a difference. Pay attention to where you are, what you are thinking, and what you are doing. Then choose life. Often. Always. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before …