At the right time

Esther 4:12-14

When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

You are here for a reason. This is the right time. Never give up.

Do you know how to fix your husband?

Does he have a problem with anger? Or does he avoid emotional intimacy? Or both?

If you have either of these in your marriage, you have probably done everything you can think of to fix your spouse.

But here’s the deal.

You cannot fix another person.

You cannot fix him, and he cannot fix you.

But that’s what most of us try to do. We try to change one another. We judge what we see and deem it “wrong.” Even if we do know exactly what the other person needs, we are still powerless to do anything about it. Because change is the domain of the Holy Spirit.

You choose whether to live under the curse.

When Eve and Adam ate the forbidden fruit, they both faced death for the first time. Spiritual and relational death. A curse was pronounced over each of them, as well as over their relationship with one another.

  • She would bear children in pain.
  • He would struggle to make a living from the earth.
  • Her desire would be for her husband: to fix, manage, and control him.
  • He would rule over her: that is, resist her efforts to rule him.

Sound familiar?

You can choose Freedom in Christ.

Jesus didn’t die to set God’s people free from the Romans (other people). He died to set us free from our own sin. So that we could walk with Him. Talk with Him. Learn from Him. Grow with Him.

So if you want your husband to change, follow the path of freedom and allow His Holy Spirit work in you instead.

  • Let Him teach you about your own value and show you how much You mean to Him.
  • You’ll be less likely to depend on your husband alone to meet your emotional needs.
  • And you just might inspire your husband to be a better man. How cool would that be?

p.s. What’s sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander, guys!

If you want your wife to change, follow the path of freedom and allow His Holy Spirit to work in you instead.

  • Let Him teach you how to focus your anger in the right place.
  • You’ll be less defensive and better able to show up for intimate conversations.
  • You just might help equip your wife to be a better woman. How cool would that be?

References: Genesis 3, John 3:16

Be courageous

Joshua 1:9

Be strong and courageous because The Lord will be with you wherever you go.

Be strong.

Be courageous.

Never give up.

Being a woman today takes real courage. Because life is challenging.

We are always adapting, in one direction or another. And because we get to choose our direction, let’s keep growing forward.

  • We cannot do it alone.
  • We need God. And we need one another.

In case you haven’t heard …
I’m organizing an intimate gathering of Christian women who are just like you and me. A place where you will be encouraged & uplifted, equipped & empowered.

Submission in marriage doesn’t work

Submission doesn’t work for today’s woman. Why?

Well, if we think of it only as catering to the husband’s wants and needs, it becomes emotional and psychological suicide.

However, true submission requires strength.

Inner strength.

Hers. And his.

If we translate the word “submission” into today’s terminology, it simply means “interdependence.” Neither person runs over the other. Instead they work together. As a team. Each playing his/her part.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

~ The Apostle Paul, Letter to the Ephesians

“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They … don’t own enough of themselves.”

~ Steven Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Herein lies the problem.

To “own yourself,” you must possess true internal strength and confidence. Not that you’re invincible, but that you have faith that you and The Lord can handle anything that comes your way.

You aren’t afraid of the struggle and are open to learning something new.

Is Dr. Debi perfect? Ha!

By now, you’d think I’d know myself pretty well, and I do. Yet I’m amazed at how The Lord continually reveals truth to me … not only about others, but also about myself. I thought I was pretty good at that “submission” stuff in my first marriage, but I didn’t realize that I didn’t understand the whole equation.

My own submission wasn’t by choice. It was rooted in fear.

Fear of displeasing my husband … and losing him. After all, my own father had abandoned me when I was a toddler. And because of my fear of doing something “wrong,” I wasn’t a truly strong woman.

My sense of my own value as a woman was way too dependent on my perception of his opinion of me. Consequently, I worked hard to avoid his anger … and lost myself in the process. And I lost my husband, too.

Many women today believe they are strong.

But could their strength also be fear-based? We often have to toughen up (build walls) to help us get through life, and we lose our true strength in the process.

In other words, we develop a defensive strength, rather than a strong sense of (and value for) who we are as women … femininity and all.

Defensive strength causes wives and husbands unnecessary pain. Everyone loses.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Let’s grow stronger & more confident together!

p.s. If the thought of submission (interdependence) causes resentment to rise up within you, then you probably need some healing and a Daily Dose of Self-Confidence. Learn how to get your emotional needs met at the next Women’s Retreat!