Category:Christian Marriage

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Dream Dancing

We all need to engage in Dream Dancing every day. Because what we think about, we bring about. So why not make it Beautiful?

However, many couples I see in counseling typically spend the bigger part of their days imagining the worst about one another. Then they’re surprised when their evening doesn’t go well. How crazy is that?

Let’s think Beautiful Thoughts About One Another!

No doubt, every Christian woman loves the idea of being swept off her feet by a godly man who knows how to lead – gently and confidently, protecting her and guiding her through life. Every Christian woman wants a husband who is willing to die for her, as Christ died for the Church, yes? A woman has no problem submitting to a man she truly believes has her best interest at the forefront of everything he does.

And every Christian man loves the thought of having a godly woman to lead – a woman who is confident and provides him with gentle feedback about how well he’s doing … especially if she’s adept at making him look good in the process. What Christian man would not want a wife whose desire is only to please him and be his partner?

So let’s follow Paul’s advice:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

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What do women need?

what do women need

What do women need? Her primary need is for your understanding and love. And all you really need to understand is that she’s not a guy. She’s a girl. And love her simply because of who she is.

The Bottom Line: Both men and women are created in the Image of God to work together in harmony, and each is designed for a unique role in the relationship. One is creatively designed to lead, and his partner’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well. The other is creatively designed to follow, and her partner’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well.

A woman needs her man to protect her, to guide her, and to hold her.
And as her leader, a man is designed by God to do just that!

1. Please Protect Me

As a man, you were designed to protect her. It’s a fact of life that men are bigger and stronger than women. And you guys have this particularly wonderful quality about you: You have much, much, much high testosterone levels. A woman’s body produces testosterone, too, but far, far less of it than a man does … without even giving it so much as a first or a second thought.

However, this very fact can make her afraid of you. When she feels intimidated or threatened by a man, she will use the only surefire weapon she has: her words.

And given that you are sensitive to her, her words usually work to “cut you down to size.” Not a bad thing if you were her enemy. But if you’re her partner in life, that will make it next to impossible for you to be able to protect her.

3 simple things women need from their husbands2. Please Guide Me

Okay, this one may be difficult for your woman to admit. But she really wishes someone knew the answers. And she really wishes it was you who knew. She loves it when you solve a problem for her … and you do, too! Your brain was made to solve problems, so she’s actually helping you fulfill your purpose in life when she accepts your guidance. So it’s very satisfying for you when you win in this way … finding a workable solution that makes life better for her.

However, guys often get a bum rap for trying to solve a gal’s problems for her … because sometimes she just wants him to listen. So if that’s what you want, all you have to do is tell him that up front.

Most men are more than happy to provide whatever will make you happy, but you must be specific about what you want because they can’t think like a woman … at all!

3. Please Hold Me

This one is probably the most important of the three things a woman desires from the man she loves. And it happens so naturally while you dance. (Maybe that’s the reason I love waltzing so much!) Women not only want to be touched, but they want to be held … lovingly, caringly, respectfully. Research shows that being held by someone you love will dramatically reduce anxiety in a matter of minutes! We’ve all seen an anxious toddler benefit from being scooped up and held by a loving parent.

As adults, we’re no different.
We all need to be held sometimes.
And women need it every day!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS for men:

  • Do you protect your wife from unpleasant situations? How so?
  • Have you learned to guide her with understanding and love?
  • Do you spend time holding your woman every day?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS for women:

  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to protect you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to guide you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to hold you?
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Sometimes It’s the Girl

sometimes it's the girl

Women make a lot of assumptions – filling in the blanks with thoughts that paint a negative picture. We usually do it because we’re actually afraid from the beginning … afraid that something will go wrong. So we’re almost relieved when it does. Then we can blame the guy. And that’s so very wrong!

Romance always comes with a test.

Wrapped up in the wonder of Love, we try to protect our precious possession. In doing so, we begin tiptoeing around. Which will raise questions for our partner, of course. Soon they start to wonder about our actions … or our motives … or both.

[callout]Questioning one another’s goodness – or at least
their good intentions – will always lead us down the path to failure.[/callout]

We miscommunicate and don’t know how to untangle it all. We misinterpret. Jump to false conclusions. We “knew it was too good to be true” and begin to seriously doubt Love. We fail to believe the best and begin to assume the worst. We start guessing about everything …

He loves me? He loves me not?
Daisies don’t tell.

Sometimes it’s the girl who messes up. Remembering past pain and disappointments, we withdraw … or we attack. We start guessing – or asking our friends –what we should do next. It’s like we can’t see the forest for the trees. And we don’t even realize it’s our fear – and more particularly, our defense against feeling afraid – that keeps us from having everything we’ve been hoping to have in Love. So we erect walls that no one could possibly hope to scale. The ultimate in self-protection.

[callout]It’s not your fear that ruins your relationship.
The only problem couples ever have is … Defensiveness.[/callout]

If you struggle to create or maintain a Healthy Romance, you are probably afraid of being hurt or getting dumped. And instead of having a healthy conversation about your fear, you’re defensive, building self-protecting walls that not only keep out what’s potentially bad or hurtful, but also everything that’s right and good for you.

[callout]If you are Christians, never forget that you are now saints,
learning to walk in Newness of Life. And behave accordingly.[/callout]

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-24)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

  • Looking at people around you – or in the movies or on TV – do you notice a tendency (a) to blame men or (b) to blame women for relationship failure?
  • Why do you think that is?