Sometimes It’s the Girl

Women make a lot of assumptions – filling in the blanks with thoughts that paint a negative picture. We usually do it because we’re actually afraid from the beginning … afraid that something will go wrong. So we’re almost relieved when it does. Then we can blame the guy. And that’s so very wrong!

Romance always comes with a test.

Wrapped up in the wonder of Love, we try to protect our precious possession. In doing so, we begin tiptoeing around. Which will raise questions for our partner, of course. Soon they start to wonder about our actions … or our motives … or both.

[callout]Questioning one another’s goodness – or at least
their good intentions – will always lead us down the path to failure.[/callout]

We miscommunicate and don’t know how to untangle it all. We misinterpret. Jump to false conclusions. We “knew it was too good to be true” and begin to seriously doubt Love. We fail to believe the best and begin to assume the worst. We start guessing about everything …

He loves me? He loves me not?
Daisies don’t tell.

Sometimes it’s the girl who messes up. Remembering past pain and disappointments, we withdraw … or we attack. We start guessing – or asking our friends –what we should do next. It’s like we can’t see the forest for the trees. And we don’t even realize it’s our fear – and more particularly, our defense against feeling afraid – that keeps us from having everything we’ve been hoping to have in Love. So we erect walls that no one could possibly hope to scale. The ultimate in self-protection.

[callout]It’s not your fear that ruins your relationship.
The only problem couples ever have is … Defensiveness.[/callout]

If you struggle to create or maintain a Healthy Romance, you are probably afraid of being hurt or getting dumped. And instead of having a healthy conversation about your fear, you’re defensive, building self-protecting walls that not only keep out what’s potentially bad or hurtful, but also everything that’s right and good for you.

[callout]If you are Christians, never forget that you are now saints,
learning to walk in Newness of Life. And behave accordingly.[/callout]

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-24)


  • Looking at people around you – or in the movies or on TV – do you notice a tendency (a) to blame men or (b) to blame women for relationship failure?
  • Why do you think that is?