Relationship Coaching

Relationship Help that is Biblically-Sound & Research-Based

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Most of our difficulties begin with miscommunication in relationships.

Learning to listen and listening to learn are essential skills in any relationship. But it can be especially difficult when one speaks “male” and the other speaks “female.”

Get help from a “professional translator” to help him/her understand what you said.

  • Stop the negative cycle.
  • Resolve differences.
  • Get what you want.

Personalized attention is the most effective way to upgrade how you apply Biblical principles (values) and the findings of scientific research to everyday life.

When you’re not getting along but want that to change, you basically have three options:

  1. Rely on your friends and family to give you the right advice.
  2. Hire a mental health professional or pastoral counselor.
  3. Work with a Christian relationship coach.

Friends. Family. Google.

Let’s face it. That’s where most of us begin.

But friends and family have limited experience … and likely a biased opinion.

And Google will give you any answer you want if you search long enough. Might as well listen to your friends and family, eh?

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The Bottom Line: Not all marriage advice is of equal value. Some is based on marital research. Other info maybe inspirational, but not all that helpful. And some advice can actually be destructive. Yikes!

For many people, individual therapy is the best option.

You can take your time to process and heal from past experiences. And if you have a clinical diagnosis (e.g., major depressive or anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress), your insurance may pay for treatment. If not, therapy can be costly and time-consuming. But the good thing about therapy is that you can take your time to heal and grow.

However, if your therapist has never met your mate, he/she only has part of the story. Unfortunately, some therapists have erroneously advised separation or divorce. When that happens, it’s tragic and sad.

Of course, sometimes (e.g., in cases of abuse) that may be your better option. But I have found that recommendation is made more often than it would if the therapist has insufficient knowledge of the couple’s and/or the individual’s relational dynamics.

Cost: If you have a clinical diagnosis and mental health insurance, the only cost will be your co-pay. If you do not meet both those criteria, you will be paying out of pocket. Fees for Mental Health Professionals average between $150 and $250, depending on where you live and the therapist’s credentials and experience. Take that weekly fee times 6 months to 2 years, and your total bill could be has high as $25,000.

If you or your spouse have a clinical diagnosis, you will want to work with a mental health professional who is licensed in your state. Dr. Debi closed her Clinical Practice in August 2021. Click here to search Christian Care Connect.

If you choose couple’s therapy, make sure the therapist is a good fit for you both.

These videos can help you know what to look for. You’ll want to consider much more than the letters after the therapist’s name or even their experience.

Your best bet is to go with your gut.
Not only your gut, but your mate’s gut as well.

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If you choose a therapist who chooses sides – even if he/she chooses yours, all you’ll get from the experience will be justification for the negative pattern you already have.

Don’t waste your time or your money on that!

NOTE: Most insurance does not pay for couple’s therapy unless one of you has a clinical diagnosis. Then treatment is focused on the patient (the one with the disorder) and billed as follows:

  • 90846 – Family or couples psychotherapy, without the patient present
  • 90847 – Family or couples psychotherapy, with the patient present

You have the right to ask a mental health professional what diagnosis he/she has given you. And you have the right to agree or disagree with the diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnosis is not as precise as a test for Type I Diabetes, and different clinicians can come up with entirely different diagnoses.

Cost: Again, if one of you has a clinical diagnosis and mental health insurance, the only cost will be your co-pay. Treatment will be focused on the person with the diagnosis, as noted above. If you do not meet both those criteria, you will be paying out of pocket. Fees for Mental Health Professionals average between $150 and $250, depending on where you live and the therapist’s credentials and experience. Take that weekly fee times 6 months to 2 years, and your total bill could be has high as $25,000.

If you or your spouse have a clinical diagnosis, you will want to work with a mental health professional who is licensed in your state. Dr. Debi closed her Clinical Practice in August 2021. Click here to search Christian Care Connect.

Others prefer to work with a Pastor or a Lay (non-professional) Counselor.

These folks can provide wonderful help for couples. I know because I’ve trained some great pastors, mentors, and lay counselors in the past 25 years!

Be sure to ask about their training, experience, and perspective on marriage.

  • You don’t want someone who’s only advising you from their personal experience.
  • Do they talk about the differences between men and women in a respectful manner?
  • Or do they use sarcasm or put down the opposite sex, even if it’s seemingly playful?

Again, trust your gut … and your mate’s.

Cost: Pastoral counseling is usually provided for free to church members/regular attendees. However, sessions are usually limited to 10 or less.

Need help recovering from infidelity?

Recovering from an extramarital affair – whether yours or you mate’s – is a messy process. You’ll want someone who can help you

  • stabilize your relationship,
  • understand how you got yourselves into the mess, and
  • decide whether or not you want to continue the marriage.

Dave Carder, a pastor and a California licensed marriage and family therapist, is an expert on this subject and has trained countless counselors using his structured approach. Order his book and workbook, Torn Asunder, on Amazon and/or check out Dave’s website for a list of counselors who have attended his training.

Cost: Varies. May or may not be covered by insurance. Check with the therapist listed.

Would Professional Coaching the best option for you?

Professional Coaching is an Advanced & Accelerated Approach to deepening your connection and building a more satisfying relationship.

But it’s not for everyone.

Fact: Men and women are different.
Always have been. Always will be.

Your DNA set the stage at conception. Your biology as male (XY) or female (XX) affects how you experience life from your very beginning to now, which in turn has given you a unique world view and very specific beliefs about what it means to be a healthy human being.

Your gender differences are the primary reason you married in the first place! So you need to understand, value, and appreciate those precious differences. Unfortunately, in most all cases, a therapist won’t even help you recognize the basic facts. Go figure.

Women have been taught …

  • to express their feelings,
  • to create connection with words,
  • and to believe everyone else should, too.

Men have been taught …

  • to avoid messy emotions,
  • to solve problems instead of talking,
  • and to believe everyone else should, too.

Are you ready to explore and perhaps even embrace a new mindset?

Learning also means unlearning. And some folks just aren’t ready to let go of their faulty thinking, even if it’s not getting them what they want in their relationship. So they keep doing the same thing over and over, and getting the same result.

You’ve heard that one before, haven’t you?

Check out my YouTube Channel, and if you find yourself saying, “Yeah, but …” or getting angry, then you might not be ready … at least not yet.

But if my YouTube videos arouse your curiosity, you might be ready for change.

Coaching based in psychological research and Biblical principles will increase your understanding of yourself and your mate, and provide you with new options.

You will learn …

  • to reclaim your God-given identity, rather than default to defenses
  • to discover your life purpose and how it relates to the one you love
  • how the opposite sex operates: what motivates and what destroys

Women benefit from …

  • using true strength for positive influence
  • less anxiety and pressure to perfection
  • a deeper sense of their value as women

Men benefit from …

  • leading with confidence and compassion
  • less frustration and feeling powerless
  • being the hero God created them to be

To benefit from a 90-Day Coaching Program, you must …

  • be open to new, more satisfying experiences
  • be able to refrain from blaming your partner for everything
  • desire a deeper understanding of your mate’s experience, as well as your own
  • be willing to examine your own contributions (both good and bad) to the relationship
  • be willing to experiment with new ways of responding, then evaluating their effectiveness

Then what you do with what you learn will be up to you.

  • Coaching is not psychotherapy, which is about healing (focused on your past).
  • Instead, coaching is about growth (focused on your future).

What’s it like to work with Dr. Debi?

“My wife and I are so appreciative to have found Dr. Debi for marriage help. We had been going on an off for years with many different therapists and techniques. Nothing compares to the approach that Dr. Debi provided. I had always found it hard after previous therapy sessions to remember the guidance. It seemed so complex and elusive to embrace.

“Dr. Debi gave us direct and instantly useful advise. She laid an impressionable foundation that helped me see how much love my wife and I had for each other in a way that was consistent and tangible. She taught us to recognize the critical moments that caused caused us so much pain.

“Thanks to Dr. Debi we now have “tools” to battle the rampant miscommunication that had plagued our relationship. I will be forever grateful.” – Andrew

“My wife and I saw Dr. Debi after being married for 23 years and she brought us back from a place where, in my opinion divorce was inevitable, to a loving, caring, more understanding relationship. I’ve since learned how to communicate better, be more patient, and realize that the two different backgrounds we both were raised from has a huge impact on how we deal with things today. Dr. Debi is amazing how she’s able to translate what a man is trying to say/tell his wife and have it make sense. She has an extraordinary insight on men and how they speak and what they need in a relationship. After seeing Dr. Debi I feel much closer to my wife and realize she’s the most important thing I have in my life, and I will protect her to my last breath. Thanks again Dr. Debi.” ~ Jeff

“Dr. Debi is amazing! She is caring, understanding and highly educated. She has been given a gift of being able to understand men and provide tools for them to communicate their thoughts & feelings in a way that women can understand. It’s remarkable. She is objective and wants your marriage to be successful, she wants you to be madly in love and she is able to provide the tools to get you there. She was able to bring us back from honestly what both my husband and I thought was an inevitable divorce. We are truly happier and more in love than we have ever been in our 23 year marriage. We are so very thankful for Dr. Debi – she is a gift from God.” ~ Mrs. Jeff

“I thank God for leading us to you and your sincere, knowledgeable and anointed spirit and teaching! From you, we’ve each learned a lot about each other, about communication, and in better understanding each others’ emotions. More importantly, I believe your teaching (and your “person”) has been instrumental in each of us strengthening our relationships with God (most importantly, my Husband’s). We cannot be thankful enough for you saving our marriage (would seem almost impossible to most), and also to restoring it to much better than before the separation! We love you.” ~ Jackson & Chalaun

“Dr. Debi helped me see that I had expectations for my husband based on my own expectations for myself. I expected my husband, who is mentally wired differently, raised differently, processes differently, communicates differently and is even biologically built differently, to act like me, a female. Once I was able to realize those differences, I was able to listen and learn what HE needed from me instead of what I thought he needed. This new outlook opened up new conversations which have led to a level of depth that neither of us knew existed. We are extremely grateful to Dr. Debi for showing us the tools we need to love each other, respect each other, and take care of each other in the way that Christ intended us to.” ~ Emily

“Last fall, we were ready to call it quits. We fought constantly. But because of your great contribution, we had a wonderful anniversary celebration this weekend. We are enjoying our marriage! And we are thinking of you with full gratitude. Thank you so much, Dr. Debi.” ~ T&L

Coaching isn’t for everyone.

If you want a personalized Advanced & Accelerated Approach to growing your marriage, click the pink button in the lower righthand corner of this page to express your interest in the 90-day coaching programs.

What is included with Basic Coaching?

Basic 90-Day Coaching Program for Men, Women, or Couples

  • Personalized assessments and evaluations
  • Customized assignments and experiments
  • One 60-minute Zoom session per week
    (Tuesday or Thursday only)
  • Weekly email support

Cost: $3,000

What is included with Premium Coaching?

Premium 90-Day Individual Coaching for Men or Women

  • Personalized assessments and evaluations
  • Customized assignments and experiments
  • Up to two 60-minute sessions/week
    If you like, you may invite your spouse to be with you in one of your sessions per week.
    (Tuesdays and Thursdays only)
  • Daily email support (Monday-Friday)
  • Laser coaching (10 minutes as needed)

Cost: $6,000

Premium 90-Day Couple’s Coaching Program

  • Personalized assessments and evaluations
  • Customized assignments and experiments
  • Up to three 60-minute sessions/week
    • Husband. Wife. Couple.
      (Tuesdays and Thursdays only)
  • Daily email support for each spouse
  • Laser coaching (10 minutes as needed)

Cost: $9,000/Couple

Private 3-Day Marriage Intensive

Do you want to jump start or fast-forward the process?

The Private Marriage Intensive will provide you with 3 months of Premium marriage coaching with me in just one weekend.

That’s the equivalent of 36 hours of professional guidance in a hotel that’s close by your own town, so you won’t have to travel far to get there.

How cool is that?

Learn more here.

All 2022 Fourth Quarter 90-Day Coaching Programs have been filled. You may request an application for 2023 First Quarter by joining the Waitlist here.

Who is Dr. Debi? Allow me to introduce myself.

The best way to get to know me is to talk with me. You will discover that I am passionate about helping Christian couples and single adults find more effective ways to apply biblical principles (values) and the findings of scientific research to everyday life.

  • As a mother of 3 sons, I developed intense interest in and a unique expertise in the Psychology of Men and Marriage.
  • I worked with men, women, couples, and families in Orange, Los Angeles, and Ventura counties in California for 25 years before closing my Clinical Psychology Practice in August 2021.
  • I helped launch numerous Marriage Programs at local churches, training pastors, marriage mentor couples, and mental health professionals who needed help learning to work more effectively with couples.
  • Now living in Central Texas, I am dedicated to teaching and coaching around the world.

My Education & Teaching Experience

I earned my Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Psychology at MidAmerica Nazarene University, and my Master of Arts (MA) and Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) at Biola University. I also taught courses at both universities, as well as at Azusa Pacific University from 2002 to 2010.