The greatest blessing and the greatest challenge we have is the freedom to choose. You get to choose the kind of man you want to be. You get to choose how to interact with your wife. And you ultimately choose how you will impact the world, the legacy you will leave for generations to come. What will you do?
Adam was originally given this option in the Garden.
God set clear parameters and outlined the consequences. The earth was beautiful and provided everything he needed. However, evil was also present. On purpose. If he choose to believe what God said and act accordingly, nothing would change. He would continue to enjoy Paradise with the woman he adored, who was a personal gift to him … his companion. The one who would see things from a different perspective, yet work alongside him as no other creature could.
Or Adam could choose to ignore God’s directive, which was designed to protect him and his wife from evil. Yes, God loved Adam and wanted to protect him. But He also wanted Adam to be His representative on earth, to take charge, to take responsibility for the earth, to protect it from evil. God told him what it would take to succeed, but gave Adam the choice whether or not to follow through.
So what happened? Well, Adam made at least three mistakes.
First, he let his wife talk to a snake. He’d been given dominion over the earth, but he silently stood by and let this silver-tongued devil deceive his wife. I don’t think it was his job to control her. It was his job to protect her. And he failed. In theory, he could have stepped up and told the snake to take a hike. Instead, he remained silent.
Are you making this same mistake in your marriage?
Women are constantly fed lies. We’re told that we need to do more, get more, and be perfect in the process. And many of us fall for that. We become more obsessed with pleasing others than we are with partnering with you.
And it’s not just the media that spread those lies. The deception increases exponentially in groups of women. We don’t get the protection and love we need from our men, so we turn to each other. It’s like the blind leading the blind. They all fall into the pit.
But it doesn’t have to be that way!
You could choose to tell your wife the truth about who she is. What does that look like?
- Let her know her infinite value by including her as you make plans. You don’t have to do whatever she says. You simply need to ask for her input, listen, then tell her she makes some valuable points that are worth your consideration.
- Affirm her desirability every day. I know you think about her more than she knows. So put those thoughts into words. Do you love her smile? Do you love her hair? How she moves? How she talks to your kids? What do you find beautiful about her? Irresistible? Tantalizing?
- Take her feelings seriously. Emotions are a woman’s superpower. If she’s picking up a vibe, you’ll be wise to explore it. Of course, it may be an expression that she needs you closer. That’s not such a bad proposition now, is it?
Adam’s second mistake was following his wife’s lead.
She disobeyed God, and Adam went along with her plan.
- Yes, it’s good idea for your wife lead sometimes in some situations for a short time.
- No, it’s not good for her to stay in leadership.
If you feel like you’re failing, especially when it comes to pleasing her, you’ll take a step back and shirk your duty. You’ll stop protecting her and become totally consumed with protecting yourself. You’re taking on the victim role in your own story. That’s no help for anyone!
The world needs strong, confident, compassionate men – perhaps now more than any other time in history. It’s your job to make the world a better place. And that begins at home. But it’s your choice.
You can learn how to take the lead – or take back the lead if you’ve already given it away. If you’re not sure where to begin, let me know. I’m on your side, and I’m here to help.
You know, I wonder what would have happened if Adam had called out to God, “Help! We screwed up!” Instead, Adam hid. But you don’t have to hide. You’re so much more capable than that!
Adam’s third mistake was blaming his wife – and, by association, God because He gave her to Adam.
It’s your choice, of course, like it was Adam’s choice to blame is wife. He suffered his own consequences nonetheless. He didn’t have to be the victim. He was more than a silent bystander. He was a willing participant.
At some point, you need to decide if you’re willing to admit your role in the negative cycle, or hold your ground that it was all your wife’s fault for not following your lead. Unfortunately, many men blame women incessantly to let themselves off the hook. At some point, men become the villains in their own stories.
Why on earth would you want to do that when you could become the hero?
- Heroes don’t start out strong, confident, or compassionate. They become strong, confident, and compassionate.
- They take a closer look at the problem. They learn what to do instead of what they’ve done.
- They develop new skills. And they are transformed.
That’s not only good for your wife, it’s great for you, and transformative for generations to come. This is why God created Adam.