You’re here because things aren’t going as smoothly as you would like with your mate. Maybe you’ve tried everything you can think of to improve your relationship. Maybe you’re just starting to explore your options and haven’t tried anything yet.
Either way, you need to know that one size doesn’t fit all.
For example, if you’re dealing with abuse – whether past or present, yours or your mate’s – you will want to find a licensed mental health professional who can walk with you through this painful part of your journey. As human beings, we try to work through it by doing the same things we’ve always done, hoping for a better outcome.
Sooner or later, your friends and family don’t know what to say anymore.
They cannot understand why you keep putting yourself in that position. But a trained therapist can help you figure that out and find different options. Trying to follow advice you find on the internet cannot help you with that.
You are unique, and your situation is unique.
If you don’t have access to a licensed mental health professional, you could connect to a support group. Organizations such as AA, Al Anon, and Celebrate Recover are free and available almost anywhere in person, as well as online.
Working through the 12 Steps has proven successful for at least a bazillion people who realize they have been trapped in a co-dependent relationship. The most common objection I’ve heard, however, is expressed in the belief that you are not the one with the problem.
So why should you get help?
So you can learn to set boundaries and take care of yourself, as well as learn what you’ve done to contribute to the negative cycle.
Notice I didn’t say cause the negative cycle.
The most common contribution is enabling. Many times, that means you’ve made excuses for your mate’s behavior, thereby enabling them to continue the behavior.
Other reasons you would need to find a licensed mental health professional include any clinical diagnosis, such as major depressive disorder or anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, among others.
Your family physician can do an initial assessment, then refer you to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Either person can also help you find a therapist.
If you have been abandoned, individual therapy would very likely be a good option for you. To have your spouse walk away from you is one of the most painful experiences in life. I know because I’ve been there myself.
Many churches offer free divorce recovery groups, so you can add that to your self-care plan whether or not you are in individual therapy.
Adultery is equally painful, no matter if it’s an emotional and/or sexual affair, whether in person or online.
The current attitudes found in our culture don’t help because such behaviors have been normalized and the damage they cause has been invalidated and devalued. But that doesn’t mean you have to endure alone. So many resources are available for the who has been betrayed.
If you and your mate want to recover from an extramarital affair, you will want to check out Dave Carder’s resources.
He has written several books on the subject and trained counselors who can walk with you through the process. It’s one of the hardest things you will do, so don’t do it alone. DaveCarder.com lists the contact info for those he’s trained.
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Many couples suffer in silence.
They don’t have any of those particular issues, but something isn’t working in their marriage. They feel disconnected. Or they argue more and more. Not just about the big stuff, but also about the details of everyday life.
A skilled couples therapist can help with that, but they can be hard to find. Most professional training programs spend very little time on how to work with couples. And I don’t know of any who teach their students about the gender differences that affect every couple.
It’s not politically correct to say that men and women are different, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Just ask anyone who’s ever been on a date.
That’s why I developed my own training programs.
If the time is right and it’s a good fit for your situation, you can turn things around in just a few weeks with or without your mate’s participation. How? By learning how the opposite sex operates and making a few very simple changes in how you interact.
If you’d like to know more, check out the free resources here.
Remember, I’m here to help.