I love to see a woman who knows how to love her man. She knows he’s sensitive to her. And she uses that knowledge to build him up. She responds lovingly to the man that God created him to be. Affirming both who he is – as well as who he is is becoming.
She gives her man something he cannot get anywhere else. She nurtures his heart. Something every man needs. Daily. But far too few experience enough of being “loved on.”
And I’m determined to change that!
“So just how does it work?” you ask.
Case Study #1
A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a meeting led by a man whose teachings had greatly impacted my life. At the end of his presentation, I walked up to thank him for what he had done in accelerating my own spiritual growth.
Within moments, his wife was by his side. As she snuggled his arm with great affection, I gave her a quick, one-sentence summary of what I’d been saying to her husband.
She was all smiles. “Isn’t he great? Have you listened to his talk on ____? It’s the best! Amazing and powerful. I think we have it on the back table. You should get a copy!”
The man had been friendly and cordial up to that point. But he was obviously exhausted.
At the sound of her voice, his face broke into the one of the most joyous smiles I’d ever seen on a man. Her actions and her words were a mirror reflecting how God saw him.
Suddenly he just couldn’t help himself
because he was basking in her reflection of him.
Although a gifted speaker, he was an introvert. She was an extrovert. And I had the distinct impression she was rescuing him. I could see how tired he was. But she could feel it.
Case Study #2
Just this morning, I was watching a video on YouTube. Different guy. One I’d not heard speak before. He asked his wife to come up and pray before he began. As soon as she began to pray, her enthusiasm for the Lord made him smile.
Then she touched her husband’s shoulder and continued, “And, Lord, this amazing, handsome, talented, kind, wonderful,” [paused with her hand on his back and head briefly on his shoulder] “man. God, we just pray, Lord, all of what you have to bring through him. God, we just say yes to that, too.”
His face lit up like a little boy’s on Christmas morning.
One who’d suddenly discovered exactly what he’d asked for there under the Tree.
I actually replayed this clip several times.
Such joy! Such fun! Such pure delight!
Both of these women understood their own man.
- They knew his hopes and fears.
- As well as the nature of his sensitivity.
- And they knew how to nurture his heart.
You can’t love and encourage a man if you don’t take time to get to know him.
So let’s talk about Nature and Nurture in a man’s life.
Researchers and philosophers have long debated the role of nature versus nurture in directing the processes of human development.
Findings have been inconsistent in terms of which is more powerful:
- our biology or
- our environment.
Consequently, they sort of gave it all up and focused their studies on understanding the interactions between these primary two factors.
Psychological experiments on human beings are unethical. So we must rely on observations of what exists naturally within the world – just like King Solomon did.
Without the benefit – or the risk – of studying cause-and-effect relationships, we can only recognize correlations among various factors and suggest probabilities.
The Bottom Line: Researchers can only report what’s likely true. We can’t really know anything for sure. That is, we must admit that it depends upon a multitude of factors.
Nevertheless, what we learn can be helpful in providing some probable – or at least plausible – explanations for why people are the way they are.
The same is true for the info I share.
- It probably applies to most men.
- It may or may not apply to the man in question.
- So give the info serious thought.
- Include some thoughtful discussion. If you ask him if this applies to him – and actually listen to what he says, it’ll be an affirming conversation for you both!
What We All Need to Know About Men
- Nature: Men are more sensitive than women. (more on that later)
- Nurture: And they learn The Boy Code at a very early age.
- Be a Sturdy Oak.
- Give ‘Em Hell.
- Be the Big Wheel
- No Sissy Stuff Allowed
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
- What info I’ve shared – so far – seems to fit or not fit the men you know?
- How have you observed the interplay between these factors?
I have sons.