Mindsets Archives | Page 7 of 13 | A Wise Woman's Guide

December 26, 2019December 26, 2019

Your Love Story Matters

Your love story matters.

It matters because it belongs to you.

It’s what you know and where you live.

Mostly, it matters to God.

What happened to you growing up matters because it’s how you learned about Life and Love … and God.

Your story has taught you a lot about who you are, and it’s taught you about other people.

Some of what you’ve learned is true. Some isn’t.
That’s what this website is about.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:32

Your Love Story Matters to God. Always.

I know the plans I have for you. They will stretch you. They are stretching you now. My plans are for your good and the only way you will be truly happy. Trust me. You are more dear and precious to me than you realize. I put those desires in your heart, and I am the only one who can fulfill them. Walk closely to me. You cannot screw this up. You cannot even delay it when you become fearful because I’m at work in your anxious times, too. Do not let shame rule over you. Do not listen to those lies. I will turn your mourning into dancing. You will face challenges, and you will overcome them all. Watch me. Watch what I do next. You’re going to love this one!

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. ~ Psalm 16:5-8

Anxious & Frustrated

NOTE: This article is available in audio! Click here to listen now.

Are you feeling anxious and frustrated? Most couples who seek help are.

Feeling anxious and frustrated is a strong indicator that you are being misunderstood.

A few years ago, a young couple came into my office for their first session of marriage counseling, and right away I could tell that the husband didn’t want to be there. He took one look at me, and by the expression on his face, I could just imagine what he was thinking.

“Great. Just great. Our last therapist was a man, and he seemed pretty good, but my wife didn’t think he was helpful. So now we’re going to talk to a female counselor? Oh, brother! Here we go again. Only this time, I’m going to get it in stereo. Ok, suck it up, buddy, and get ready to go three rounds with not one, but two women hammering away at you for the next 45 minutes. And at the end of it, you get to write the woman a check. I’m such a lucky guy.”

His wife appeared a little anxious – and a lot frustrated. She began with a very intense explanation, even before they were seated.

“He never talks to me. In fact, all I get is the cold shoulder. Whenever I try to discuss an issue, he tunes me out! He just sits there, staring at the TV. Sometimes he gets up and storms out of the room … without saying a word! He’s just so insensitive. I don’t see how this marriage will ever work if he’s not willing to talk about things. I’m ready to give up. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him involved with the family. How can he not care about his own wife and family?”

I listened patiently to her lament, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her husband slowly sinking into his end of the sofa.

I nodded understandingly at his wife, then said, “I can see how hard you’re working at this – trying to make your marriage work – and how distressed you are. This is really, really hard for you.”

Anticipating my alliance, she sat up straighter and listened intently as I joined her in her frustration.

“Being in a painful relationship is incredibly difficult, I know. And you know what else? … We’ve actually been lied to.”

Her husband continued to sink a bit deeper, while a slight smile stole across his wife’s face as she waited for more confirmation of what she thought she already knew – that she was right, and he was wrong.

“Yes,” I continued. “We’ve been lied to. We’ve been led to believe that men are insensitive jerks. That they’re not in touch with their emotions – if they even have any. That they just don’t get it. It’s like the elevator doesn’t stop on that floor. But the truth is … men are actually more sensitive than women.”

The wife tipped her head sideways, like a bright-eyed cocker spaniel who couldn’t believe her ears. I imagined she thought, “What? This can’t be right! This woman is not going to be helpful. She obviously doesn’t know anything about men!”

Anticipating her confusion, I supported my statement with some research findings, and she appeared to be a little bit more interested. I imagined she was thinking, “Well, maybe she does know a little something about men. Maybe she can fix my husband … or at least get him to talk to me!”

At the other end of the sofa, her husband seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, sat up a little straighter, and almost smiled. If he had been more verbally inclined at that point, he might have said something like,

“Hey, this woman gets us guys. This therapy stuff might actually work this time. Thank you, Lord! … I just hope my wife pays real close attention.”

from Ephesians 5 Romance
The Truth About Love

Feeling anxious and frustrated is a strong indicator that you are being misunderstood.

And misunderstanding is based on misinformation.
I’m here to help you clear up the confusion.

November 25, 2019November 30, 2019

3 Reasons You Are Here

You are here - at this time & place - for a reason.

Life can be confusing. Things don’t always turn out like we expected. Problems defy solving. We drift from one thing to another. Looking for meaning. So why are you here? As I see it, the answers are simple. All you need is to realize three reasons you are here. On this earth. At this time in history. Although I believe the reasons are the same for all of us, how we play them out is a matter of our individual stories.

1. You are here to love.

God is love. You are created in His image. That means loving is the most natural thing we do. Because it’s who we are. 1 John 4:8, Genesis 1:26-27

2. You are here to be loved.

Love is an exchange. Not an obligatory form of reciprocity. But something that happens naturally. Because you are lovable. It’s how you are created. Genesis 2:18-25, John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10

3. You are here to take dominion over something.

Life isn’t just one big love fest. But love is the at the core of everything else. Including the particular way you are created to make this world a better place. And, yes, that’s natural, too. To take back what was stolen. To restore. To renew. To rejoice. Genesis 1:28, Ephesians 2:10

Natural? Yes, you are created for these reasons.

Your desire to love, to be loved, and to make a difference is in your DNA. That means it’s “natural” for you.

You also have an adversary. Every hero does.

He’s there to mess things up. To drag your thinking sideways. He tweaks things to make you think …

You have to be strategic (manipulative) with your love.
That you are unlovable. Or that love is owed to you.
And he often convinces you that taking dominion comes first. But it doesn’t. It rises naturally from loving and being loved.

QUESTION: If you were to make a list of reasons you are here, what would be at the top of your list?