You can see something online or read a book and think, “This is really good.” But can you apply what you learn in your life and love?
Whatever I wanted to learn how to do, I’d go to the library. I’d check out a book, I’d read the book, and I’d try to apply what I learned. People don’t really go to the library anymore. I went to our local library here, and I was surprised at how small it was and how few books they had.
I’m used to university libraries where there’s tons of information. Your average small town library just doesn’t have that going for it. Anyway, I used to go to the library and check out a book whenever I didn’t know how to do something. I could give you a list of books I read about marriage way before I even went to college or became a psychologist.
I was into this stuff from the beginning.
Nowadays, you can just go online and find all kinds of free information about how to make your relationship better.
How do you decide which information is good and which isn’t?
Well, you wanna find something that challenges you where you are. Remember you, you need help too. It’s not just your mate.
So look for something that challenges you a little bit, even if it’s a YouTube video. Now, if it’s a value that you don’t agree with, if they’re telling you something that goes against your personal values, that’s one thing.
But if it goes against your personality, it might be an area for you to start to grow in.
When you’re looking for a material online,
- First, steer clear of anybody who does not recognize that men and women are different.
- Second, make sure that they value each gender equally and that they don’t make the other person the butt of a joke.
That is a huge thing that’s going on right now with a couple of major people in the field of marriage enrichment. They think it’s great to poke fun. Now they’re getting laugh out of their audience, but they’re not really being helpful. They’re actually discounting and devaluing the person they’re making fun of.
So steer clear of any of that.
You really wanna find somebody who can say, “Okay, here’s why your wife does what she does, and here’s why your husband does what he does. Here’s what he hears. Here’s what she hears.”
There aren’t a lot of us out there who believe in romance, but there are some.
Being in Love Motivates You
It’s really super to watch something and think, “Oh my goodness, this was really good.” Or read a book, or listen to something, but then you’d have trouble applying it.
How do you stay motivated to apply what you learn?
You’re gonna probably think I’m gonna say that you need to sign up for my newsletter, or you need to follow me here or follow me there. And you can do that.
But I think the easiest way is for you to hold a picture in your mind and in your heart. And that picture is a picture of your spouse when you first met.
- What made you light up when you first saw him or her?
- What were those qualities?
Write out the story of meeting your spouse.
Then every day as part of your daily devotions, as part of your quiet time or whatever you call it, take a moment and reflect on who your spouse is. What attracted you in the first place?
Let yourself get that little butterfly feeling going again.
Ultimately, you want recreate that feeling every single day.
If you are constantly worrying and you’re thinking about, well, they did this, they did that. Oh my gosh, when are they gonna stop? The trash hasn’t been taken out for three days. What’s the problem with this? Or, oh my gosh, I come home from work every day and the house is a mess. I know we got out a lot of kids, but come on, she can have it ready by the end of the day when I get home. You start thinking all that negative stuff and that focus pulls you into that negative direction where you’re gonna focus now on everything that’s.
Holding a picture of your spouse in your mind at their best will cause you to want to recreate that. It’ll make you think,
“There really are some great qualities about my spouse that I absolutely loved,
and that person is still in there.”
Yes, people change. That’s true, but we don’t change in the essence of who we.
We don’t change in that quality that draws us together. It just gets fogged over. It’s a really good way to look at it. There’s just surrounded by a lot of fog of everyday life, and you wanna clear that fog on a regular basis so that you feel motivated to keep going.