Is Masculinity Toxic?

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Women, like all of us, too often rely on whatever popular culture tells us. And women have been lied to about men. If you have checked the atmosphere lately, you know that pretty much none of what is being said is even close to the truth of who you are. You guys need figure out how to fix that. The solutions are usually simple, but not always easy or obvious.

Hello. I’m Dr. Debi, and I’m here to help. Through decades of study and a lifetime of experience, I have developed a deeper understanding of the truth about men. At least, that’s what men say about working with me.

Unless I have been given a Superpower …

… any woman can learn to understand her husband. And that has been my life’s mission. But I need your help.

  • Only a strong, confident, brave woman can risk letting go of her assumptions about who you are.
  • Making you the bad guy and commiserating with her friends occupies too much of her energy … and her identity.
  • If all men are bad, then women are victims who must band together for self-protection. But that’s a lie from the pit of hell.

Let me be perfectly clear: Masculinity is not toxic.

Couple’s counselors often perpetuate the problem by following a feminine model of mental health. Sessions tend to be centered on how the woman feels and what she wants. To the exclusion of what the man feels and wants. It’s both dismissive and emasculating.

Instead of emasculating you, I want to give you a new paradigm for understanding your wife and your relationship with her. Starting with the realization that at any given moment, she’s either reacting to your avoidance or anger, or she’s responding to your leadership.

You were created to lead with confidence and compassion as you make informed choices. That kind of leadership will allow space for your wife to change her beliefs about who men are in general, and who you are in particular.

When you succeed in this endeavor, your wife will come to believe that you are an exceptional man. Honestly, I hope she does way more than that. At some point, I hope she learns how her own behavior affects you and begins to teach other women to honor and love their husbands, too.

Most women are highly resistant to changing what they believe about men.

I know because I have been teaching them (in some cases, just trying to teach them) for more than a decade. I can see a woman’s wheels turning even as I talk with her. Almost every woman looks at me like I have no clue about reality.

Why are so many women so resistant to changing their beliefs about men?

Consider these two reasons.

First, masculinity is trashed at every turn in every place imaginable.

Women like me, who should be helping younger women respect their husbands, have failed to teach the younger generation what they need to know. Yes, we older women are also subject to the serpent.

Evil is still coming for us all, attacking the woman who in turn attacks the man, who is – as we are currently told – the root of the problem.

  • Interestingly enough, men are led to believe woman is the problem.
  • Strategy: Lie. Divide. And conquer. And it seems to be working.
  • But that strategy is not destined to be the final outcome.

A woman holding tight to a faulty paradigm for masculinity (currently referred to as “toxic”) is not the only issue that needs addressing.

Second, what you do often confirms her bias against men.

As a man, you have been tricked into providing evidence against yourself that you do not even realize you are providing.

  • Unfortunately, your own outward behavior often validates what the world says about you.
  • What you actually do – and don’t do – every day is quite easily and readily subject to confirmation bias, which is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of existing beliefs.
  • For example, when you avoid issues or get angry, you unknowingly provide evidence that confirms those false beliefs that masculinity is oppressive and toxic.

The data do not lie. The problem is your wife’s interpretation of the data.

In reality? You were created with a natural desire to protect, provide, problem-solve, and please. But she doesn’t recognize that’s what you’re doing because she doesn’t know what you’re thinking or feeling.

  • When you try to protect, she thinks you’re trying to control her.
  • When you try to provide, she thinks you’re only care about money.
  • When you try to solve problems, she thinks you don’t listen or care.
  • When you try to please her, she thinks you just want to have sex.

In sum, she doesn’t know the truth about who you are.

My advice to you is: Don’t give up the ship.

  • She needs you.
  • Your family needs you.
  • The whole world needs you.

Together, you and I can set the record straight.

I still believe your wife needs to understand what you think, how you feel, and why you do the things you do … instead of something else. But I cannot change her mind about who you are on my own. Ultimately, that’s your job.

Just as Princess Leia said to Obi Wan,
“You’re our only hope.”

As your guide, I’m here to help you on that journey … with The Map.

You and I need to set the record straight for your wife. Will it make a difference for all women? Time will tell. We clearly are not making progress with our current model.

  • My goal is not to teach you how to be a man. You have many, more qualified mentors on that topic. I’ve never been a man, nor have I ever wanted to be one.
  • What I am qualified to do is to help you understand and love your wife in ways you may never have considered. For that to happen, you’ll need to study and apply what you learn.

It won’t be easy.

Your wife won’t always respond positively, so you’ll need to evaluate your own actions and determine if you need to look at and/or approach her differently.

You can do all of that using The Map provided in my new book, A Quick Start Guide to Understanding Women: A Man’s Marriage Manual. Coming January 2023.

This book has been a long time coming. What you do with what you learn will be up to you. Just remember, I’m here to help.

A Quick Start Guide to Understanding Women: A Man’s Marriage Manual.

Coming January 2023. Get your pre-order discount now plus instant access to Part 1: The Power of Confidence, (download pdf + audio zip file). Click here.

It’s always your choice. What you do with what you learn will be up to you. Just remember, I’m here to help.

A QuickStart Guide to Understanding Women:
A Man’s Marriage Manual

  • Part 1, The Power of Confidence:
    Born to Be a Hero
  • Part 2, The Power of Compassion:
    Making Sense of The Woman You Married
  • Part 3. The Power of Choice:
    Simple Solutions in Everyday Life
A QuickStart Guide to Understanding Women
Pre-Order Discount Now
Coming January 2023