In plain, simple language: “Guys don’t get hints.” Why not? Because they don’t even recognize them! Hints are clouded with Girl Code, which they can’t even begin to comprehend.
So why do women rely so heavily on hints when they clearly never work?
We hint that we’d like to go out to eat … or to Hawaii. Our word choices can be so vague that men are often left in the dark about what it is we’re saying … or that we were even saying anything of significance at all!
We say, “Notice anything new?” Which is as dangerous as, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” It feels like a setup to him … like a trap … especially if past conversations have resulted in your anger. Of course, we know that your anger comes from having your feelings hurt. So why not avoid that probability altogether … by setting him up to win right from the start?
One poor husband was painfully unaware of what his wife needed and wanted or even what she liked! He wanted so badly to please her, but he kept tripping over himself in the process. We were talking about their sexual relationship in one very tearful session, and I asked his wife to share with him just one thing that she liked.
She refused and said with an angry tone, “No, I’m not going to tell him. I shouldn’t have to tell him. He should just know. If I tell him, then he’ll do it, but only because I told him to, not because he wants to.”
So her expectation was that he should read her mind?
The last I knew, men and women dwell in very different bodies with very different designs. What’s pleasurable to one is not necessarily the most enjoyable for the other. How can he possibly know unless she tells him? … And just exactly what’s wrong with him doing something that he knows would bring her pleasure?
Having said that, I really do understand her struggle. Most women are at least a little ambivalent about their sexuality. However, life is so much easier when we’re direct.
Without being bossy, of course!
I know we weren’t brought up that way, but sometimes we need to acquire new skills … and new confidence … in ourselves and in our partner.