marriage Archives | Page 3 of 4 | A Wise Woman's Guide

June 27, 2016June 13, 2019

Lessons from the Dance Floor

Whether you’re young or old, you need to learn about mutual submission in Christian marriage: It’s the Beauty of the Dance of Romance!

It’s the guy’s role to make the dance an enjoyable experience for his girl. So he needs to pay close attention to what she likes and what she isn’t comfortable with.

But he can’t take responsibility for pleasing you if you’re always one step ahead of him. You have to let him lead.

That is, your goal is to get into sync with his rhythm. And you do that for one reason:

It will build his confidence as your leader.

No, he won’t get it right all the time. And neither will you. You’re both learning.

If he’s your husband – or you want him to be – it’s even more important that you learn how to encourage his leadership, especially when he’s off a bit. You could give him feedback, but he can tell by the expression on your face when he’s off. He’s way more sensitive to that than you realize.

The best part, however, is that when he’s “off” you get the opportunity to pray for him and to trust the Lord, Who is responsible for leading your lead.

How cool is that?

April 15, 2016April 2, 2017

Couple Communication 102

Stephen Covey wrote, “If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.”

In my earlier post about Sean and Nicole and couple communication, “What, if anything, do you think Nicole was doing wrong?”

Nicole — like most people — wasn’t listening with the “intent to understand,” but had been listening with the “intent to reply.”

She hadn’t been trying to gain a deeper understanding of Sean. She filtered everything he said through her own experience, reading her autobiography into his life. As soon as Sean had started talking, she had already begun formulating a response. She hadn’t given him any space to really be in the relationship with her.

She didn’t understand him because she wasn’t listening.
She had been way too busy formulating her reply.

QUESTION:

Use your powers of self-observation and take notice of your self-talk (what you’re thinking or saying to yourself) when others are talking.

Are you silently evaluating the words of your friends and coworkers … while they’re still talking?
If so, you’re probably evaluating his, too.

EXERCISE:

Get better at couple communication by practicing on your friends. Listen until you’re sure you understand the other person’s point of view. That is, wait until you’re sure you’ve heard the whole story before you offer your own thoughts and feelings.

To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

February 19, 2016May 19, 2020

To Pray More Effectively, You May Need to Pray Differently.

Most women pray for their men, of course. But what is the content of your prayers?

Are you just telling the Lord to help him to get his act together so your life will be easier?
Or are you sincerely interested in meeting your man’s emotional needs?

If you want to pray effectively for your man, you’ll need to get into the cave with him.

Spiritually and emotionally speaking, that is (this takes time with the Holy Spirit).
Rather than verbally or invasively (which we do in our flesh) as noted in my post about the Man Cave.

For example, don’t insist he talk about his feelings. Because he may not fully understand them yet himself.

Instead, Learn to Pray Differently

The first steps are simple.

Listen more.
Talk less.

That alone will give him more space to talk – when he’s ready. And you’ll learn the most you can about him. He may not say much. But listen to his words. And pay attention to his actions. His actions will speak loudest.

The latter steps take time.

Listen to the Holy Spirit.
Pray according to God’s will.

Because you’re not a man, you’ll need a spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) that will enable you to pray for him in accordance with God’s will and perspective on the situation. Yes, you may have some great ideas, but this may not be the best time to share them with your man. Wait upon the Lord, trusting that He cares a lot more about what’s going on with your man than you do.

Warning!

Keep the content of your prayers between you and the Lord. Your man’s vulnerability is not a subject you should be sharing with your mother, your sister, or your girlfriends.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. (Ephesians 1:17)

He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)