Tag: understanding women

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3 Great Reasons to Follow Your Husband

Why follow your husband? Growing up in a dysfunctional family taught me to pay close attention to my surroundings. I became a people pleaser to avoid the pain of anger, disappointment, and rejection. What was I really doing? I was manipulating everyone. My behavior was based on the most likely outcome, given what I had observed about the other person. Mother & uncles, in particular, but essentially everyone else, too. In fact, everyone was manipulating someone. And as a little girl, I needed my needs to be met. And there wasn’t any other way.

It’s no wonder I fell into the same trap as a young wife.
Because my upbringing conditioned me to be a pleaser,
I became a Doormat. Disrespected & Devalued.

Maybe you’ve had the same experience. Maybe you haven’t. Nevertheless, it is one of the major objections to the premise that women should follow – not lead – their husbands. Because today’s woman doesn’t want to be a pleaser. Doormat. Disrespected. Devalued. She wants her husband to listen to what she says. Consequently, she often doesn’t listen to what he says. As a result, he may stop talking altogether.

They are both every bit as misled by misinformation as I was.

The Truth is: A woman needs to be both confident & strong to be a good follower. But I was neither. Most of that has changed now. As a result, most people I meet are surprised to hear my story. Furthermore, my perceived strength seems to make my willingness to follow the man I love equally surprising. But there’s nothing I love more on this earth. And here’s why …

Follow Your Husband3 Great Reasons to Follow Your Husband

  • First, you will get more of what you want in the relationship. You will use the power of your influence wisely, without manipulation & drama. Because manipulation & drama will always backfire on you. Furthermore, learning to speak his language will make him more open to you without it.
  • Second, he will become a more confident & compassionate leader. Pretty much the man you want him to be. Because men respond better to positive reinforcement than they ever will to a woman’s advice.
  • Third, it’s just a way more beautiful way to live. Nothing is sweeter than waltzing through life together. You still have breaks between dances. But you know another melody will have you floating along again in no time.

Learn more about how to follow your husband in my free ebook,
The Psychology of Men & Marriage: Embracing the Dance

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The Beauty of Different

The following comment was recently posted in response to “embracing the dance” that I had shared on my social media pages: “I don’t agree with the premise that women want the men to lead.”

I hear that a lot, actually. And I wouldn’t want anyone to spend time learning about something they are opposed to right from the start.

But I do believe that women want the men to lead. They are just afraid their own man won’t step up and do it well. So many guys never get the chance … because they are afraid of failure. And of having her point out his failure.

As you can imagine, it is really hard to have two leaders in a dance. And it doesn’t work well for the woman to take that role.

  • When it’s done well, man and woman operate in unity.
  • The man is more open to her influence & inspired to do and be all he can for her.

It’s a beautiful experience.

What are your thoughts?

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What do women need?

what do women need

What do women need? Her primary need is for your understanding and love. And all you really need to understand is that she’s not a guy. She’s a girl. And love her simply because of who she is.

The Bottom Line: Both men and women are created in the Image of God to work together in harmony, and each is designed for a unique role in the relationship. One is creatively designed to lead, and his partner’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well. The other is creatively designed to follow, and her partner’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well.

A woman needs her man to protect her, to guide her, and to hold her.
And as her leader, a man is designed by God to do just that!

1. Please Protect Me

As a man, you were designed to protect her. It’s a fact of life that men are bigger and stronger than women. And you guys have this particularly wonderful quality about you: You have much, much, much high testosterone levels. A woman’s body produces testosterone, too, but far, far less of it than a man does … without even giving it so much as a first or a second thought.

However, this very fact can make her afraid of you. When she feels intimidated or threatened by a man, she will use the only surefire weapon she has: her words.

And given that you are sensitive to her, her words usually work to “cut you down to size.” Not a bad thing if you were her enemy. But if you’re her partner in life, that will make it next to impossible for you to be able to protect her.

3 simple things women need from their husbands2. Please Guide Me

Okay, this one may be difficult for your woman to admit. But she really wishes someone knew the answers. And she really wishes it was you who knew. She loves it when you solve a problem for her … and you do, too! Your brain was made to solve problems, so she’s actually helping you fulfill your purpose in life when she accepts your guidance. So it’s very satisfying for you when you win in this way … finding a workable solution that makes life better for her.

However, guys often get a bum rap for trying to solve a gal’s problems for her … because sometimes she just wants him to listen. So if that’s what you want, all you have to do is tell him that up front.

Most men are more than happy to provide whatever will make you happy, but you must be specific about what you want because they can’t think like a woman … at all!

3. Please Hold Me

This one is probably the most important of the three things a woman desires from the man she loves. And it happens so naturally while you dance. (Maybe that’s the reason I love waltzing so much!) Women not only want to be touched, but they want to be held … lovingly, caringly, respectfully. Research shows that being held by someone you love will dramatically reduce anxiety in a matter of minutes! We’ve all seen an anxious toddler benefit from being scooped up and held by a loving parent.

As adults, we’re no different.
We all need to be held sometimes.
And women need it every day!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS for men:

  • Do you protect your wife from unpleasant situations? How so?
  • Have you learned to guide her with understanding and love?
  • Do you spend time holding your woman every day?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS for women:

  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to protect you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to guide you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to hold you?