The Value of a Woman

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

I’ve always thought that if woman was created for man, and if what we’re doing for him isn’t working, then we probably should be spending some serious time finding out what it is we were intended to do for him!

Paul felt compelled to tell Christian woman at Ephesus, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” By the way, he also had strong words for their husbands.

I’ve always thought that if woman was created for man, and if what we’re doing for him isn’t working, then we probably should be spending some serious time finding out what it is we were intended to do for him!

To put it quite simply, I believe all we need to do is show up – to be fully present, available, and responsive to him. That is, we get to enjoy being the girl – and let him enjoy it, too! But not passive in the process! Au contraire, mon cher!

Please recall that woman was a Personal Gift from Heaven

When God created Adam, He knew one person wouldn’t enough to fulfill His dreams. Although Adam was clueless about what he was missing, his All-Wise Creator wasn’t. The Lord knew man could not do so very well on his own. He would need someone to adore. So God’s personal gift to Adam was his woman – created from his own body. So much like himself, yet so very different, Eve would have the natural capacity to complete Adam and to help focus his passion on someone outside of himself.

In the 21st Century, a man’s longing for love is intended to spur him into the realization that his wife is God’s gift to him – his reason for living – his hope and his joy in the full experience of the Lord’s goodness. And most men get that. Honestly they do. Without a godly wife, a man will starve to death emotionally and relationally. Instead, with her by his side, he gets to feast on her femininity – to draw energy and inspiration from the closeness of her Beauty.

Here’s an important equation: Feminine Strength + Submission = Beauty

Do you consider yourself a strong woman? Many of us do. But what is the Source of your strength? By now, you’d think I’d know myself pretty well, and I do. Yet I’m amazed at how the Lord continually reveals truth to me … not only about others, but also about myself.

I knew I was pretty good at that “submission” stuff in my first marriage, but I didn’t realize until recently, that I didn’t understand the whole equation. My submission wasn’t by choice. It was rooted in my fear. Fear of displeasing my husband … and losing him. And because of my fear, I was never a truly strong woman. And I lost my husband.

Many women I meet are good at that “strength” stuff in their marriages. But is their strength also rooted in fear?

Sometimes we toughen ourselves up to get through life, and we lose our true strength in the process. In other words, many women develop a false sense of strength as a defense against being hurt. But in the end, it causes them and their partners to experience unnecessary pain, and they both lose.

Defensiveness simply doesn’t work in marriage. Ever.

So what’s the source of our True Strength? It’s the Joy of the Lord. He is Our Strength and Our Song. We abide in Him, and He produces the Fruits of the Spirit within us. Truly, there’s nothing sweeter than that!

So learn to live in the reality that the Lord cherishes you as His Beloved Daughter. And that His desire is to teach your husband to cherish you, too!

Submission must be a choice.

From True Strength you have the wonderful opportunity to choose Submission … to the Lord first, then to your husband. That’s what makes a woman truly Beautiful.

Clearly, we are created as partners. Essential partners in the work of the Kingdom of God. Through Christ, we are redeemed to fulfill the purpose for which we were created. Man is the Leader, and woman is the Follower. He’s not a dictator, and she’s not a silent, powerless subject.

Fortunately, as we get things back in their proper, Heavenly perspective, man has what he needs to do his job, to live out his life passionately doing what God designed him to do.

As a wife, you are created to be your husband’s “rescuer” (Genesis 2), so it’s important to know exactly how to do that … and how to do it really well. So much of your husband’s success depends on your walk with the Lord … and your desire to be the woman that he needs you to be.

As women, we have never been without the relationship of another human being. We, therefore, conclude that we are the “Relationship Experts.”

But most of us make the grievous error of believing it is our job … as the “Relationship Expert” … to fix, manage, and control a man. Indeed, it is most assuredly not! We have a much Higher Purpose!

A woman has been given to her mate as Sweet Companion and Confidant. He is motivated simply by her presence, and he will do almost anything to make her smile.

She’s there to let him know when he’s on the right track, not to criticize him when he’s not. Her positive, affirming influence will cause her man to excel and, most importantly, to grow in his relationship with The Lord.

What if she doesn’t think he’s on the right track?

You remember what we talked about in Chapter 22, right? A godly woman will always pray first, then expresses her concern lovingly (Ephesians 4:15) … and briefly. She may be assured that he heard her the first time. So her job from that moment forward is to pray for her mate with insight, fully confident that The Lord will answer her prayers.

If her man needs changing, The Lord will most surely do it (1 John 5:14). However, she must remain humble, knowing that it also might be her that The Lord desires to change.

How to Help a Man Take Leadership

First, he needs to know that you are following him, even if he’s not a very seasoned leader. A man can never become a really great leader if no one is willing to follow him. In a word, he needs you to submit to his leadership. Submission really means that you trust and respect him. It does not mean that you follow him blindly and mindlessly.

Second, he really needs your feedback. Both Scripture and research show that men need to be open to the influence of their wives. Otherwise, they’re doomed to fail.

However, your feedback mustn’t be in the form of criticism, attack, blame, or advice. What he desperately needs to hear is when he is getting it right … when he’s doing something that pleases you … that makes you happy. And remember he needs you to help him look good to anyone who’s watching. He’ll stand taller and work harder than you ever thought possible. Yes, just give him that, and he’ll pull out all the stops to please you – more so than you ever imagined.

Learn the Truth About Love

Your love story matters. It matters because it belongs to you. It’s what you know and where you live.

Mostly, it matters to God.

What happened to you growing up matters because it’s how you learned about Life and Love and God.

Some of what you learned is true. Some isn’t. That’s what this book is about.

Buy now