Yes, we all go sideways at one time or another. However, this can be to your advantage!
It is so true!
You really can learn something new from the process and come back …
- stronger in your faith and
- closer in your love!
I’ve seen it happen so many times with couples! No matter what the challenge!
How do we get ourselves Sideways?
I’m glad you asked! Several years ago, I conducted a survey among my clients about what they each did to make things go sideways in their romance.
Men were more likely to check the boxes beside:
- I become silent, withdrawn, and don’t want to discuss things.
- I often want to avoid talking about our relationship.
- My partner often pushes an issue and won’t let it drop.
Whereas women were more likely to check the boxes beside:
- I often get angry and critical to get my partner to talk.
- I often want to push my partner to talk about our relationship.
- My partner withdraws a lot and won’t face an issue when I want to talk.
All defensive moves folks use with the intent to protect themselves … or their Love! However, these knee-jerk strategies have the opposite effect!
Your Defensiveness always hurts the One you love.
You wouldn’t need to be defensive if you understood your partner’s Bottom Line. And I can honestly report that what causes most conflict is simply misunderstanding. Most often, both a man and a woman trying to connect. And misinterpreting the signals.
Yes. It’s that simple.
She’s asking for more of him.
He hears a complaint that he works too much.
He’s asking for more of her.
She hears that all he cares about is sex.
She’s too busy asking, “Do you want me?”
He’s too busy asking, “Is it me that you want?”
Neither hears the other’s question.
Which leaves no place for a real answer!
Through all of my work with couples, I’ve noticed the Bottom Line for both partners is often the same.
They just aren’t hearing one another!
To be continued …