Women really aren’t that complicated. Most of us – women included – believe that women are more complicated than men. But we’re not nearly as complicated as we seem.
Pretty much everything she wants from you – as even she would confess – has to do with her beliefs about one (or more) of the following three categories:
- You don’t love and cherish me.
- You don’t think I’m pretty.
- You don’t value my feelings.
Bullet Point #1: Love and cherish her.
The first thing a woman wants is to know is that she’s more precious to you than anything else. No, she doesn’t want to run your life. She wants to know – by the reliability of your words and actions – that she’s always at the top. Her hope and prayer is that she runs a very close second to God.
You probably don’t realize just how important your opinion is to her. Despite how it may seem, much her self-esteem depends on what she thinks you think of her. Not what you actually think of her, but what she thinks you think of her. And she makes that determination based on your behavior – all you choose to do – or choose not do – in regard to her.
Bullet Point #2: Tell her she’s pretty.
This point’s the simplest one. Women spend a lot of time, energy, and money trying to look as just pretty as they can. And as she gets older, she’ll start doubting that she could still be attractive to the opposite sex.
If she’s already yours – or if you want her to be yours – you won’t want some other guy beating your time! So tell her yourself that she’s pretty and/or cute … on a daily basis!
Of course, you must be absolutely, positively sincere about whatever you say. Flattery is cheap and meaningless, and she’ll see right through it.
Don’t go there.
Trust me. It’s simply not worth the price.
Bullet Point #3: Just say you are sorry.
A woman’s feelings can get hurt very easily, especially by the man she loves. Her feelings are important, and she needs you to appreciate that about her. In fact, feelings are primary for “most women. When our feelings get hurt, we go into defensive mode. And everyone knows the best defense is a good offense.
So we often look and sound angry when, in fact, our feelings have been hurt. At that point, we’ll either withdraw or attack, depending on our emotional attachment style (See Chapter 9 in my book). Hurting her feelings is tantamount to Crushing Her Spirit. Nothing good can happen until Her Spirit has been revived. When you learn how to help her with that, you’ll reap rewards beyond Your Wildest Dreams.
And it only takes three steps:
- Notice that you hurt her feelings.
That means you have to be paying attention, right?
- Then say, “I’m sorry” or “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
(Note: Say nothing more. Say nothing less.)
- If she’s angry and/or yelling at you, you’ll need to say it at a distance.
If she is crying, move in close and hold her hand or put your arm around her.
Or if you’re not physically present, you can tell her you wish you were there to hold her hand or to put your arm around her. That works almost as well because this is one of those cases where it’s mostly the thought that counts.
- How often do you think men put something ahead of their wife?
- How often do you think the average guy tells his wife she’s pretty?
- What is a man’s usual response to tears? to anger?