Category:Christian Marriage

Men are creatively designed by God to Protect. Provide. Problem-Solve. Please.

My Protector

Man protects instinctively. He protects the people he loves … and sometimes even people he doesn’t love … and sometimes even people he loves – or doesn’t love – who happen to be angry at him at the time.

Remember that he’s more sensitive than a woman.

And here’s where this characteristic comes beautifully into play. His radar is alert for danger.

• he takes action …
• or gives advice …
• or tries to solve the problem … Which a woman often hates because she doesn’t understand his intent. She erroneously believes he’s trying to fix her or just shut her up.And instead of analyzing his emotions,

Although that last statement may be partially true (sorry for being so frank), it’s mostly that a man doesn’t like to see someone he loves suffering.

• He wants her pain to stop … and to stop now.
• So he gives advice. He’s trying to protect his woman from further hurt. She can appreciate how really sweet that is of him if she understands why he’s doing it.

However, his sensitivity can backfire in a heartbeat.

If he feels like he is being attacked, blamed, or criticized, he will go on the defensive … to protect himself rather than his woman.

For a better understanding of male nurture, let’s take a quick look at the second part of my last post. According to Attachment Theory, healthy human development relies heavily upon the processes of relationship, especially upon our primary need for emotional connection with someone who is available and responsive to our needs.

However, boys typically experience relational trauma that girls rarely do. Early on in life, it usually goes something like this …

As a toddler, he got picked on by another kid at the park …

• And His mom or dad held back to see what he would do.
• When he came to report the offense, he was required to provide explanation.
• His tears were something shameful.
• Big boys don’t cry, so stop whining and figure out what to do.
• He learned that he was on his own.
• He would have to solve his own problems somehow.

What’s so amazing about the Nature of a Man? Researchers have found evidence that male infants are more emotional than female infants from birth until at least 6 to 12 months of age. Compared to girls, infant boys

• coo and smile more often,
• cry more frequently and intensely,
• and experience more rapid fluctuations in emotional states.

However, by 2 years of age …

• there is already a noticeable reversal in verbal expression.

And by 6 years of age …

• there is a noticeable difference in facial expression as well.

Furthermore, boys seem to have a natural tendency to express their feelings more through action than by talking about them.

Whatever the reason, boys demonstrate an ability to avoid overt responses to emotion between four and six years of age – interestingly, about the time they usually enter kindergarten. (We’ll explore some possible explanations for that, too.)

Male Nature –  fast forward to adulthood

• Once they grow up, do men even have feelings anymore?
• Or have they simply been disconnected from their own emotions?

Marital research conducted over the past several decades suggests that men really do have feelings – very strong ones – and that they are highly aware of each and every one of them.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• What do you believe about men and their emotions?
• How do you think your belief effects your relationship?