Christian Marriage Archives | Page 39 of 41

April 14, 2016April 2, 2017

Couple Communication 101

We can’t stop communicating … for one simple reason! According to Communications Experts, 93% of our communication is nonverbal. Your parents told you that a long time ago when they said: “Actions speak louder than words.”

Consider Sean and Nicole …

Nicole’s Point of View: Sean was a quiet guy. And that was one of the things that Nicole found irresistibly attractive. But after they’d been dating for awhile, she wanted more from him. During a silence, Nicole would ask him what he was thinking.

He never gave her a satisfactory answer.

Then she began begging him to talk to her. He was hesitant at first. But at her encouragement, he began to open up. He offered up two or three sentences. Then Nicole got excited about getting closer. In her enthusiasm, she’d try to get more information from him.

Then all of a sudden — at least it seemed to be sudden — Sean quit sharing. He was more withdrawn than ever, and Nicole was really confused. She kept asking him what was wrong. And he kept refusing to talk about it.

He’d just shrug his shoulders and mumble, “Nothing’s wrong.”

Sean’s Point of View: He had a very different experience of their relationship. He really liked Nicole. When they first met he loved her energy — and her chatter. She was always ready to fill the silence, so he didn’t have to worry about what to say.

After they’d been together for awhile, he wanted to tell her more about himself. But he felt like he could hardly get a word in edgewise. Nicole kept telling him she wanted to know what he was thinking. But it didn’t seem like that to Sean. As soon as he would get a word out, Nicole would begin her critique.

Nothing he said was right.
It seemed like everything he said set her off in one way or another.
So he gave up.

He began dreading their time together. And started to think about breaking up.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

What nonverbal communication was Nicole sending?
Do you think she was aware of what she was “saying”?
What nonverbal communication was Sean sending?
Do you think she was aware of what he was “saying”?
What could each of them done differently?

April 12, 2016April 12, 2021

Going Sideways

Yes, we all go sideways at one time or another. However, this can be to your advantage!

Yes. Yes!

It is so true!

You really can learn something new from the process and come back …

stronger in your faith and
closer in your love!

I’ve seen it happen so many times with couples! No matter what the challenge!

How do we get ourselves Sideways?

I’m glad you asked! Several years ago, I conducted a survey among my clients about what they each did to make things go sideways in their romance.

Men were more likely to check the boxes beside:

I become silent, withdrawn, and don’t want to discuss things.
I often want to avoid talking about our relationship.
My partner often pushes an issue and won’t let it drop.

Whereas women were more likely to check the boxes beside:

I often get angry and critical to get my partner to talk.
I often want to push my partner to talk about our relationship.
My partner withdraws a lot and won’t face an issue when I want to talk.

All defensive moves folks use with the intent to protect themselves … or their Love! However, these knee-jerk strategies have the opposite effect!

Your Defensiveness always hurts the One you love.

You wouldn’t need to be defensive if you understood your partner’s Bottom Line. And I can honestly report that what causes most conflict is simply misunderstanding. Most often, both a man and a woman trying to connect. And misinterpreting the signals.

Yes. It’s that simple.

She’s asking for more of him.
He hears a complaint that he works too much.

He’s asking for more of her.
She hears that all he cares about is sex.

She’s too busy asking, “Do you want me?”
He’s too busy asking, “Is it me that you want?”

Neither hears the other’s question.
Which leaves no place for a real answer!

Through all of my work with couples, I’ve noticed the Bottom Line for both partners is often the same.

They just aren’t hearing one another!

To be continued …

February 19, 2016May 19, 2020

To Pray More Effectively, You May Need to Pray Differently.

Most women pray for their men, of course. But what is the content of your prayers?

Are you just telling the Lord to help him to get his act together so your life will be easier?
Or are you sincerely interested in meeting your man’s emotional needs?

If you want to pray effectively for your man, you’ll need to get into the cave with him.

Spiritually and emotionally speaking, that is (this takes time with the Holy Spirit).
Rather than verbally or invasively (which we do in our flesh) as noted in my post about the Man Cave.

For example, don’t insist he talk about his feelings. Because he may not fully understand them yet himself.

Instead, Learn to Pray Differently

The first steps are simple.

Listen more.
Talk less.

That alone will give him more space to talk – when he’s ready. And you’ll learn the most you can about him. He may not say much. But listen to his words. And pay attention to his actions. His actions will speak loudest.

The latter steps take time.

Listen to the Holy Spirit.
Pray according to God’s will.

Because you’re not a man, you’ll need a spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) that will enable you to pray for him in accordance with God’s will and perspective on the situation. Yes, you may have some great ideas, but this may not be the best time to share them with your man. Wait upon the Lord, trusting that He cares a lot more about what’s going on with your man than you do.

Warning!

Keep the content of your prayers between you and the Lord. Your man’s vulnerability is not a subject you should be sharing with your mother, your sister, or your girlfriends.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. (Ephesians 1:17)

He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)