Each person is unique. Every couple is different.
- Our goals are the same: to love & be loved.
- But the path is different for everyone.
- Some couples argue a lot.
- Others shut down.
In short, most couples create their own flavor of the negative cycle at some point. But you can discover new hope & mutual understanding!
The Choice is yours.
For starters, you need to understand what love is and what it isn’t.
Throughout your life, you learned that love is conditional. You get what you earn. Parents, teachers, and now employers have all reinforced your growing belief that your love-ability is based on how well you perform.
So you unwittingly do the same thing to your mate. You set the standard for him to meet. When he doesn’t, he feels the consequences (e.g., anger, withdrawal). You fix, manage, control. Attack, blame, criticize.
Everything that you have experienced gets passed on in the way you treat him. No big surprise, eh? You have become a Taker, just as you have been taught to be. That isn’t love.
Love is a gift.
In your desire to be loved, it’s easy to forget all you have been given. You focus on what’s missing instead of the good parts.
Every relationship – no matter how distressed – has some things that are good. If you’ve been in conflict for a long time, remembering the good stuff will take conscious effort.
- You get to decide where to focus your thoughts and energy.
- Just remember whatever you focus on will increase.
- So choose wisely.
Love is about giving, meeting his emotional needs without expectation that your gift will be reciprocated. That doesn’t mean you don’t hope that it will.
Men’s mixed messages
I want to insert here that men are confusing. They focus so much on being providers, giving their wives the impression that all they care about is making money. They often neglect spending time with the family because they are too busy trying to pay the bills.
- Then men begin to resent their wives.
- They don’t feel loved and honored.
- They feel used.
We need to change that! Are you with me?
Love is patient … and kind … does not demand its own way … does not compete or boast … is not self-seeking … not easily angered … does not keep score. Love always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13