Then The Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Genesis 2:7
That’s you. The same guy who wants to understand women. But first you must realize that it all begins with you. Without you, there would be no point. God formed Adam from the dust of the ground and gave him a job to do. You have that same job.
No, it’s not naming the animals. That’s been taken care of already. But He created you to be here at this time in history to take dominion over your assigned territory.
You were born to be a Hero.
God breathed life into you.
Everything begins with you.
Hello, I’m Dr. Debi. I may be one those rare women in the world today who believes men are awesome. And you need to know upfront that I’m totally on your side.
I celebrate who you are and acknowledge your incomparable contribution as a husband and father, a coworker and friend.
The world doesn’t recognize how truly amazing you are.
Nor are you affirmed and encouraged as much as you should be – even within the church.
You protect and provide for your loved ones, helping them solve problems,
with a deep desire to see them become the best they can be.
I admire your dedication to keep on keeping on.
Even when your own needs (far too often) go unmet.
You were born to be a Hero.
It’s your God-given dream.
He put it in your DNA.
Most people think a Hero is man who has it all together. But that’s never how he starts out. A Hero’s story is a story of Transformation, which is good news for good reasons.
You are being created in the image of God. You are a reflection of Him.
- You feel.
- You think.
- You speak.
- You create.
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
– Voltaire & Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben
Although you are neither God nor Spiderman, you are still powerful enough to create stuff.
You can create for good or for evil. Because God gave you the responsibility to choose.
You don’t know everything. Therefore, some of your choices haven’t been the wisest. Forgive yourself for that. No man was born knowing everything. Mistakes are part of learning.
My goal is not to teach you how to be a man.
You have many, more qualified mentors on that topic. I’ve never been a man, nor have I ever wanted to be one.
However, as a woman and after more than two decades helping men and women in my work as a Clinical Psychologist, I am qualified to guide you in understanding your wife.
Loving and partnering with your wife is part of your hero’s journey.
Including her in your journey doesn’t make you less of a hero. In fact, her presence inspires you, influences your actions, and invites you into a more beautiful experience of life itself. Yes, her presence can also be confusing, befuddling. She’s like an entire Uncharted Territory herself. But don’t worry!
- I have already charted The Territory for you.
- I speak the language and can translate.
- And I’m giving you The Map.
But having The Map won’t help if you don’t know who and where you are.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of The Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from The Lord God among the trees of the garden. But The Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9
Just like the Bible, we begin with you and your awareness of the great power you have. I know already you feel the responsibility.
- The Power of Emotion
- The Power of Vision
- The Power of Choice
“The Lord has sought out a man after His own heart and appointed him ruler
of His people.” 1 Samuel 13:14 (speaking of soon-to-be-King David)
You’re in Very Good Company
You’re a human being. Made in the image of God. Like King David, you experience life intensely. You get angry, hurt, sad, afraid, guilty, and ashamed. You and I both know it. But you do your best not to let anyone else know. It’s in The Code.
Unlike your wife who talks about her feelings – sometimes incessantly, you’re more likely to express your emotions with your actions. I love that about men.
- Your wife was taught to express her emotions verbally to create connection.
- You were taught to avoid emotions and to take action instead.
- Your emotions motivate you to make things happen.
Interestingly enough, The Creator made you sensitive to your emotional states as a means of survival. What you feel tells you something. Those feelings serve as your early-warning signal or a very pleasant indicator that all is well.
Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you’re really good at ignoring your feelings. However, research shows that you are still motivated by your emotions, even if you aren’t aware of them. It’s one of the reasons you make mistakes.
No, you do not need to turn into a girl. This job requires that you be you. The man that God created you to be.
Just learn to read the signals your brain is sending you. When you feel tension rising, ask yourself these three questions:
- What is this emotion? angry, sad, hurt, afraid, guilty, ashamed, joyful
- What does this mean? Your brain is helping you read your internal or external world.
- What should I do? After you answer questions 1 and 2, you’re ready to make a plan.
Sometimes you need to take immediate action without all that “processing.” Like slamming on the brakes when a child runs into the street in front of your car. You don’t have time to stop and process what you’re feeling.
But those three questions can serve you very well in the long run, especially when it comes to your wife. If you’re not taking time think at some point, you will always react defensively (unconsciously) to your internal experiences of fear and of anger.
On the other hand, when you are aware of those internal signals, you have the opportunity to transform the power of your fear and anger into hope. Even when your fear and anger are your ongoing internal response to your wife’s behavior.