Anxious & Frustrated

Anxious & Frustrated Couple

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Are you feeling anxious and frustrated? Most couples who seek help are.

Feeling anxious and frustrated is a strong indicator that you are being misunderstood.

A few years ago, a young couple came into my office for their first session of marriage counseling, and right away I could tell that the husband didn’t want to be there. He took one look at me, and by the expression on his face, I could just imagine what he was thinking.

“Great. Just great. Our last therapist was a man, and he seemed pretty good, but my wife didn’t think he was helpful. So now we’re going to talk to a female counselor? Oh, brother! Here we go again. Only this time, I’m going to get it in stereo. Ok, suck it up, buddy, and get ready to go three rounds with not one, but two women hammering away at you for the next 45 minutes. And at the end of it, you get to write the woman a check. I’m such a lucky guy.”

His wife appeared a little anxious – and a lot frustrated. She began with a very intense explanation, even before they were seated.

“He never talks to me. In fact, all I get is the cold shoulder. Whenever I try to discuss an issue, he tunes me out! He just sits there, staring at the TV. Sometimes he gets up and storms out of the room … without saying a word! He’s just so insensitive. I don’t see how this marriage will ever work if he’s not willing to talk about things. I’m ready to give up. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him involved with the family. How can he not care about his own wife and family?”

I listened patiently to her lament, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her husband slowly sinking into his end of the sofa.

I nodded understandingly at his wife, then said, “I can see how hard you’re working at this – trying to make your marriage work – and how distressed you are. This is really, really hard for you.”

Anticipating my alliance, she sat up straighter and listened intently as I joined her in her frustration.

“Being in a painful relationship is incredibly difficult, I know. And you know what else? … We’ve actually been lied to.”

Her husband continued to sink a bit deeper, while a slight smile stole across his wife’s face as she waited for more confirmation of what she thought she already knew – that she was right, and he was wrong.

“Yes,” I continued. “We’ve been lied to. We’ve been led to believe that men are insensitive jerks. That they’re not in touch with their emotions – if they even have any. That they just don’t get it. It’s like the elevator doesn’t stop on that floor. But the truth is … men are actually more sensitive than women.”

The wife tipped her head sideways, like a bright-eyed cocker spaniel who couldn’t believe her ears. I imagined she thought, “What? This can’t be right! This woman is not going to be helpful. She obviously doesn’t know anything about men!”

Anticipanxiety and frustrationating her confusion, I supported my statement with some research findings, and she appeared to be a little bit more interested. I imagined she was thinking, “Well, maybe she does know a little something about men. Maybe she can fix my husband … or at least get him to talk to me!”

At the other end of the sofa, her husband seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, sat up a little straighter, and almost smiled. If he had been more verbally inclined at that point, he might have said something like,

“Hey, this woman gets us guys. This therapy stuff might actually work this time. Thank you, Lord! … I just hope my wife pays real close attention.”

from Ephesians 5 Romance
The Truth About Love

Feeling anxious and frustrated is a strong indicator that you are being misunderstood.

And misunderstanding is based on misinformation.
I’m here to help you clear up the confusion.

Miracles & Mindsets

Miracles and Mindsets: How to Make Way for a MiracleAre you waiting for something? Hoping for a miracle to happen?

Miracles & mindsets go together. You dream of miracles & fail to recognize the mindset that keep you stuck. A new mindset gives you the capacity to receive.

So much of my work as a psychologist has been helping clients move from a negative mindset to one that is positive, good, God-centered. Whether or not she (or he) is a believing Christian. And I want to help you do the same. Because some things need to change before you see change.

You have learned to evaluate yourself and others according to human standards. According to what is visible in terms of behavior & success as you have believed it to be.

You pray for a water-into-wine miracle. However, first you need a new wine skin (a new mindset). A new mindset gives you the capacity to receive the miracle. Otherwise, you would burst from the expansion of receiving all the new. MARK 2:21-22

You dream of miracles, yet fail to recognize the mindset that keeps you stuck.

It’s as though you have blinders on. And removing them can become a lengthy process. But it doesn’t have to be. Here are a several tips to help you redeem the time of your own development. They all involve your active cooperation with The Holy Spirit who speaks to you deep within.

  1. Ask for a spirit of wisdom & revelation, instead of the mindset you now have. EPHESIANS 1:17-18
  2. Read or listen to the Truth every day, expecting an expansion of your understanding as you go. ISAIAH 55:8-9
  3. Meditate upon the fact that your Creator’s mercies never end. LAMENTATIONS  3:22-23
  4. Remember that He has far more in store for your life than you could ever imagine. EPHESIANS 3:20
  5. Surround yourself with others who want to grow. Avoid complainers. Find a spiritual mentor for yourself or join a group of like-minded people. HEBREWS 10:25

* Click and study all the links in this post. They are there to help you grow. And if you have any questions, please let me know. I’m here to help!

How to Get Your Husband to Do More Around the House

How to Get Your Husband to Do More Around the HouseHave you ever wondered how to get your husband to do more around the house? It’s the number one thing women say they want from their man. So why are we so unsuccessful at eliciting his help? Because we miss the most important factor!

I recently read an impassioned post on Instagram. This lovely young woman had been away at work all day only to come home to chaos.

  • She took a time out, regrouped, and restarted.
  • Her husband went to the gym.

Her advice to women is that they don’t have to do everything perfectly. But it was clear she’d been trying really hard to do just that.

What is the One Thing she could have done that would have made all the difference for her and for her family?

Honestly, as an expert in male psychology, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when she stated, “… then my husband said in the middle of the chaos he was going to the gym.” Men hate confrontation … and women’s angry expectations that men support them in the madness to make everything perfect.

The Truth is:

  • Help around the house is NOT the number one thing every woman wants.
  • What she really wants is to be valued. cherished. loved. more than anything else.

And her husband wants to be her priority as well. Not treated like an employee … or worse yet … one of the kids who needs to get in line with the program.

How to Get Your Husband to Do More Around the House?

When you make your husband – your relationship with your husband – your first priority, he will value, cherish, love you more than anything else on the face of this earth. And he will begin to do more around the house … without being asked.

Learn how to make him your priority without losing yourself!
A Wise Woman’s Guide to Life & Love by Dr. Debi Smith