Tag: understanding men

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How to Change a Man

How to change a man

You’ve probably heard the saying that when a man marries a woman he’s hoping she’ll never change, whereas a woman marries a man hoping that he will.

It’s often more than a hope for her. He may actually be her Main Project.

But men are not projects. They are people.

I don’t like to be the bearer of bad tidings, ladies, but God only created one perfect man so far … and it took Him nearly 60 years to refine him.  Okay. Forgive me for bragging about the Love of My Life. I admit he’s not really perfect. He’s just close enough to perfect for me. [Queue country music …]

On the Bright Side, however, if the Lord is doing such a great job on My Cute Boy, I believe He can do the same with yours!  Your man can be so much more, and you can actually help him become Your Fearless Leader in the Dance of Romance!

Your man wants to be your Leader in the Dance of Romance … to protect you, guide you, and hold you … to choreograph Your Dance to maximize your pleasure in being with him.

Women have so much influence over a man’s life, and we don’t even realize it! Because much of the time we’re shooting ourselves in the foot. Doing all the things that make him worse (more defensive) … instead of doing things to encourage his self-improvement … things that he actually wants you to do that will naturally shape his behavior in a positive direction!

Learn more about how to change your man here.

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Living with Uncertainty

It’s a fact. There are two kinds of men:

  • those who are unsure of themselves, and
  • those who hide the fact that they are unsure of themselves.

Some are more successful at hiding than others, using one of two tactics:

  • withdrawal, which gives the impression they just don’t care,
  • or anger, giving the impression you are – or someone else is – the problem.

If you would like to know more effective way to respond to his uncertainty & vulnerability (no matter how he tries to disguise it), download Quick Start Guide to Understanding Men by Dr. Debi Smith

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3 Great Reasons to Follow Your Husband

Why follow your husband? Growing up in a dysfunctional family taught me to pay close attention to my surroundings. I became a people pleaser to avoid the pain of anger, disappointment, and rejection. What was I really doing? I was manipulating everyone. My behavior was based on the most likely outcome, given what I had observed about the other person. Mother & uncles, in particular, but essentially everyone else, too. In fact, everyone was manipulating someone. And as a little girl, I needed my needs to be met. And there wasn’t any other way.

It’s no wonder I fell into the same trap as a young wife.
Because my upbringing conditioned me to be a pleaser,
I became a Doormat. Disrespected & Devalued.

Maybe you’ve had the same experience. Maybe you haven’t. Nevertheless, it is one of the major objections to the premise that women should follow – not lead – their husbands. Because today’s woman doesn’t want to be a pleaser. Doormat. Disrespected. Devalued. She wants her husband to listen to what she says. Consequently, she often doesn’t listen to what he says. As a result, he may stop talking altogether.

They are both every bit as misled by misinformation as I was.

The Truth is: A woman needs to be both confident & strong to be a good follower. But I was neither. Most of that has changed now. As a result, most people I meet are surprised to hear my story. Furthermore, my perceived strength seems to make my willingness to follow the man I love equally surprising. But there’s nothing I love more on this earth. And here’s why …

Follow Your Husband3 Great Reasons to Follow Your Husband

  • First, you will get more of what you want in the relationship. You will use the power of your influence wisely, without manipulation & drama. Because manipulation & drama will always backfire on you. Furthermore, learning to speak his language will make him more open to you without it.
  • Second, he will become a more confident & compassionate leader. Pretty much the man you want him to be. Because men respond better to positive reinforcement than they ever will to a woman’s advice.
  • Third, it’s just a way more beautiful way to live. Nothing is sweeter than waltzing through life together. You still have breaks between dances. But you know another melody will have you floating along again in no time.

Learn more about how to follow your husband in my free ebook,
The Psychology of Men & Marriage: Embracing the Dance

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