What You Need to Know About Fear

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
JOHN 10:10

Let everything that has breath praise The LordFear (more commonly referred to as anxiety) is your natural physiological response to threat. Your brain goes into survival mode. And survival mode overrides your reason every time. Every. Single. Time.

God created your brain to do that. Automatically.

Fear mobilizes your body to take action, whether that action takes the form of punching your enemy in the face, running for shelter, or freezing to convince him that you are dead. Each is a short-term response.

But is your enemy *hijacking your system?

Sometimes the threat is ongoing. I’ve been in those situations before. Abandonment. Infidelity. Homelessness. And I’ve discovered the critical importance of resetting your system every day, if not moment by moment.

Fear is more contagious than a virus.

Your enemy keeps it going by *hijacking your physiological and emotional responses. You can catch fear without physical contact. He likes to use the media, especially social media.

But you can even catch fear when you’re all alone. Perhaps you’re most susceptible then.

That’s when your enemy reminds you of your past failures and trauma. He wants you to react the way you did in the past. He wants you to live in fear. Constant fear. But he is a liar. And listening to his lies will drive your fear deeper into his pit of despair.

Nevertheless, you have the power to reset your system and overcome the enemy in 3 simple steps.

  1. Breathe. You cannot use your conscious thoughts to reset your system. You must begin with your body. Remember your brain is designed to listen to fear first. Breathing properly will signal your brain that all is well.
    • Do not take deep breaths that make your shoulders rise. That will always increase your fear response. Instead, breathe from you diaphragm.
    • Lie on your back with a pillow under your knees (NOT under your head) and a book on your belly button. Slowly push the book toward the ceiling by taking in air. Lower the book by slowly exhaling. Repeat the sequence for 4 minutes 4 times per day or as often as needed.
  2. Believe. As you quiet your body, use your mind to remind God (but mostly yourself) of His promises.
    • Choose one Bible verse. Or picture Jesus in the room with you. Focus on Him as you breathe.
    • This will begin to “cement” what you are telling your body with the Truth of who He is.
  3. Become. Once you have aligned your body and your mind with what God is doing, you possess the power of an overcomer.
    • You can think more clearly. Fully mobilize your cognitive functions.
    • You have the power to become part of the solution.
    • Not only for yourself. But also for others.

Test these reset steps for yourself.

Practice these steps for the next 24 hours. Then let me know how you’re doing. I’m here to help.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord. PSALM 150:6

*To hijack means to unlawfully seize something that is in transit and force it to go to a different destination or use it for one’s own purposes.

How to Cope with Crisis

Have you ever wondered why some couples pull together during a crisis, whereas others are driven apart?

This video will help you discover ways to better face any crisis together.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When You Love a Broken Man

Is the man you love “a diamond in the rough,” “a work in progress,” or “a piece of work”?

  • Does he shut down?
  • Get angry easily?
  • Disappear for hours at a time?
  • Do you feel like you need to fix him?
When You Love a Broken Man

We don’t always notice at first.

But if we do see red flags, we tend to ignore them with a love-conquers-all attitude.

The truth is, most men are simultaneously healthy & broken (to one degree or another), simply because of the way they were created & have been treated throughout their lives.

It’s called normative developmental trauma.

The Truth (with a capital T) is that The Creator has a deep desire to heal every man’s brokenness – as well as every woman’s pain.

When you love a man – no matter how broken or emotionally healthy he is, you will need an ongoing dose of Divine Wisdom. Here are 3 things to keep in mind as you move forward.

  1. Men usually respond well to women who are healthy, so that’s a great place for you to begin.
  2. If he doesn’t respond well, he may be in a deadly trap that requires more than you can give. He needs Divine Intervention.
  3. Because his woman is also broken, she cannot save him alone. In fact, she may need Divine Intervention, too. Which brings us back to #1.

A Broken Man in Adultery

Sometimes a man goes outside his marriage. For things his Creator intends him to enjoy within his marriage.

Most guys I’ve known who are broken in this way did not set out to have an affair. But with each encounter, he dives deeper into the emotional abyss he is trying to avoid.

That’s how evil works.

Abandonment by a Broken Man

Plagued by fear, shame, and doubt, his autonomic nervous system initiates the fight, flight, or freeze response. Usually, that means a wall of protection for himself.

As a result, you feel left out, left behind, or all alone. Chasing after him only makes matters worse by triggering more fear, shame, and doubt.

An evil trap designed to separate you both from Love.

Addiction for a Broken Man

No man starts doing something harmful because he wants more pain.

At first, the behavior is a way of coping with his painful emotions. Alcohol, drugs, sex/porn, work, or food provide a way of escaping that soon takes over his soul and ruins his life.

As with adultery, each step sends him deeper into the emotional abyss he is trying to avoid.

Yes, that really is how evil works.

Abuse and a Broken Man

Physical, psychological/emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse are attempts to feel in control by controlling someone else.

We most often think of men as the perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse. However, a broken man may be – or may have been – a victim himself. Sometimes he’s both.

Either way, safety is the primary concern for all. Without safety, fear runs rampant.

Which is always the end goal of evil.

So What Does Divine Intervention Look Like?

Our Creator works in many mysterious ways. Sometimes directly. Sometimes through others.

What He does in your situation will depend on how He sees what you need, as well as what your broken man needs.

  • My personal favorite is the way He speaks straight into my heart, and I pray you both hear His voice in that way.
  • Our Creator also intervenes through education, support groups, and counseling, to name a few.

More Resources

Additional Article:
When God Answers Your Prayers

Are you in an abusive relationship? Domestic Violence Abuse Questionnaire

Celebrate Recovery or AA and Al Anon

Books to Help You Get Started …

Affiliate Links to books: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.


You’ve forgiven a thousand times. You’ve bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted. But the only reward for your loyalty has been anger, indifference, infidelity, or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk out the door.

Do you feel like all is lost? Are you ready to give up? There IS still hope.

Dr. James Dobson’s “tough love” principles have proven to be uniquely valuable and effective.

Unlike most approaches to marriage crisis, the strategy in this groundbreaking classic does not require the willing cooperation of both spouses.


Written by respected pastor and marriage counselor Dave Carder, this revised and expanded version of Torn Asunder sorts through the factors that contribute to infidelity and then maps out a recovery process for both partners. With compassion and wisdom rooted in the Bible, Carder offers insight for the victims of adultery, the perpetrators, and those who seek to help hurting couples.

Pastor Dave & Ronnie


When doors slam and angry words fly, when things just aren’t working out, and even when your spouse has destroyed your trust, there is still hope.

If you feel like your marriage is near the breaking point, or even if you’ve already separated, Gary Chapman will show you how you can give your marriage one more try.

Dr. Gary Chapman


Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.

Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she’s also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God.

In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor.


The wreckage of addiction lies scattered around too many people–from the one who is or was addicted to those in relationship with that person.

Age-old culprits of drugs, alcohol, and gambling are joined by newer addictions, such as food, prescription medication, shopping, pornography, and technology.

Left unaddressed, addiction devastates lives now and makes it difficult to see a positive way forward.


Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are ‘walking on eggshells’ to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is ‘yes,’ someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD)—a mood disorder that causes negative self-image, emotional instability, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships.

Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped more than a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this difficult disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors.


The numbers of males abused in childhood are sometimes listed as low as 5 percent or as high as 33 percent.

Though statistics are controversial, no one disputes the fact that childhood abuse is a continuing problem―or that such abuse can have devastating effects on future relationships.

For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, best-selling author Cecil Murphey has penned an honest and forthright book about surviving―and thriving―despite past abuses.

(NOTE: Much of this applies to any type of abuse he endured.)