When what you’ve been doing isn’t working anymore

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Hello, I’m Dr. Debi. And I want to welcome you to a brief series with Ten Quick Tips to grow in your relationship. First, you must ask yourself a question. If you’re not satisfied with where you are in your relationship, are you ready to grow?

There’s no shame in realizing that what you’ve been doing isn’t working anymore. I’ve been there myself, so I understand how hard it can be. The closer you get to one another, the more you see the flaws, yours and/or your mate’s.

You suddenly realize you don’t know how to be a loving mate over the long haul. You miss romance. You miss those beautiful feelings that made you so excited to face the world together.

So you took one of two defensive strategies to fear … depending on your personality and how you interpreted the challenges before you.

You didn’t want to rock the boat, so you avoided fear. You said nothing. Did nothing. Mostly because you didn’t have the wisdom to do anything differently. So you became the victim in Your Love Story.

You believed the boat needed rocking, so you attacked fear. You became angry. To defend yourself against fear, you attacked, blamed, and criticized either Your Love … or yourself. So you became the villain in Your Love Story.

Anyone who overuses defensive strategies settles for less than the best. But you don’t want to live defensively, allowing fear and anger to ruin your life. You know there has to be a better way, and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to find that path.

The Good News is, you’re on that path right now!

You’re ready to adopt a different mindset. A new way to respond to the challenges of married life. You’re ready to be intentional. I’m here to help you do that.

  • If it was obvious, you’d already know what to do.
  • If it was easy, you would have already done it.
  • But I promise, it will be simple.

In case you didn’t recognize it, here’s Tip #1: Be intentional.

You intentionally “clicked a link” to watch this video. Keep it up! 

Be intentional about your own growth. Learn about yourself. Learn about your mate. Both tasks require ongoing, intentional effort. 

Instead of being the victim or the villain, you’ll begin to adopt a different strategy when you face challenges. 

You will become the hero/heroine of your story!

Yes, that’s the first step. Be intentional. Intentionally watch the rest of this series.

As you watch each video, repeat these three simple steps.

  1. Learn.
  2. Experiment.
  3. Observe.

Then post your observations in the comments below. Remember, I’m here to help. And I’ll see you with Quick Tip #2 in the next video.