Category:Living in Love

If you want to stop the enemy, you need to understand his strategies against men. The quickest and easiest ways for the enemy to attack a man is to convince him that he is inadequate. And he most often uses a woman to do the attacking for him.

We know that because women have no less than a bazillion ways of telling men they don’t measure up … and thereby unwittingly usurping their God-given power.

A few ways women communicate that a man is inadequate:

• She smirks or rolls her eyes at him.
• She gives him unsolicited advice or instructions, saying something like:
  • Why don’t you ____?
  • You should ____.
• She talks about him to other people like he’s not there.
• She laughs at him when he’s not trying to be funny.
• She blames him for whatever has just gone wrong, making herself look better.
• She corrects or criticizes him. This one is powerfully emasculating – especially when she does it in front of other people.

Example: A while back, I was waltzing with a friend at a very festive ball, when the couple ahead of us tripped, and the woman crashed onto the floor. Her partner, who was obviously concerned, responded immediately to help her to her feet.

Her response? She glared at him, shaming him by her facial expression as well as her words. I’m still not sure for whom I felt more empathy: her for falling … or him for being yelled at in front of a ballroom full of people.

[callout]Undermine – and even get your revenge on – the enemy
by showing unparalleled respect for Your Man![/callout]

Repair Disconnections as Quickly as Possible

If he shuts you out when you’re talking, stop and ask him what he heard you say.

If he’s honest with you, he’ll tell you that it felt like an attack, blame, or criticism.
And if he tells you that, BELIEVE HIM.

• It does not mean that’s what you were trying to do.
• It just means that what you said got lost in translation,
  and you can try again … using different words.

Men are creatively designed by God to Protect. Provide. Problem-Solve. Please.

My Protector

Man protects instinctively. He protects the people he loves … and sometimes even people he doesn’t love … and sometimes even people he loves – or doesn’t love – who happen to be angry at him at the time.

Remember that he’s more sensitive than a woman.

And here’s where this characteristic comes beautifully into play. His radar is alert for danger.

• he takes action …
• or gives advice …
• or tries to solve the problem … Which a woman often hates because she doesn’t understand his intent. She erroneously believes he’s trying to fix her or just shut her up.And instead of analyzing his emotions,

Although that last statement may be partially true (sorry for being so frank), it’s mostly that a man doesn’t like to see someone he loves suffering.

• He wants her pain to stop … and to stop now.
• So he gives advice. He’s trying to protect his woman from further hurt. She can appreciate how really sweet that is of him if she understands why he’s doing it.

However, his sensitivity can backfire in a heartbeat.

If he feels like he is being attacked, blamed, or criticized, he will go on the defensive … to protect himself rather than his woman.

For a better understanding of male nurture, let’s take a quick look at the second part of my last post. According to Attachment Theory, healthy human development relies heavily upon the processes of relationship, especially upon our primary need for emotional connection with someone who is available and responsive to our needs.

However, boys typically experience relational trauma that girls rarely do. Early on in life, it usually goes something like this …

As a toddler, he got picked on by another kid at the park …

• And His mom or dad held back to see what he would do.
• When he came to report the offense, he was required to provide explanation.
• His tears were something shameful.
• Big boys don’t cry, so stop whining and figure out what to do.
• He learned that he was on his own.
• He would have to solve his own problems somehow.