Submission in marriage doesn’t work

Submission doesn’t work for today’s woman. Why?

Well, if we think of it only as catering to the husband’s wants and needs, it becomes emotional and psychological suicide.

However, true submission requires strength.

Inner strength.

Hers. And his.

If we translate the word “submission” into today’s terminology, it simply means “interdependence.” Neither person runs over the other. Instead they work together. As a team. Each playing his/her part.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

~ The Apostle Paul, Letter to the Ephesians

“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They … don’t own enough of themselves.”

~ Steven Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Herein lies the problem.

To “own yourself,” you must possess true internal strength and confidence. Not that you’re invincible, but that you have faith that you and The Lord can handle anything that comes your way.

You aren’t afraid of the struggle and are open to learning something new.

Is Dr. Debi perfect? Ha!

By now, you’d think I’d know myself pretty well, and I do. Yet I’m amazed at how The Lord continually reveals truth to me … not only about others, but also about myself. I thought I was pretty good at that “submission” stuff in my first marriage, but I didn’t realize that I didn’t understand the whole equation.

My own submission wasn’t by choice. It was rooted in fear.

Fear of displeasing my husband … and losing him. After all, my own father had abandoned me when I was a toddler. And because of my fear of doing something “wrong,” I wasn’t a truly strong woman.

My sense of my own value as a woman was way too dependent on my perception of his opinion of me. Consequently, I worked hard to avoid his anger … and lost myself in the process. And I lost my husband, too.

Many women today believe they are strong.

But could their strength also be fear-based? We often have to toughen up (build walls) to help us get through life, and we lose our true strength in the process.

In other words, we develop a defensive strength, rather than a strong sense of (and value for) who we are as women … femininity and all.

Defensive strength causes wives and husbands unnecessary pain. Everyone loses.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Let’s grow stronger & more confident together!

p.s. If the thought of submission (interdependence) causes resentment to rise up within you, then you probably need some healing and a Daily Dose of Self-Confidence. Learn how to get your emotional needs met at the next Women’s Retreat!

The Proverbs 31 Woman & Femininity

The Proverbs 31 Woman and FemininityThe Proverbs 31 woman and femininity? We know about the pressure to perform everything perfectly. But learning what it means to be feminine in a world that devalues femininity is not an easy task. As previously noted, my father was absent from my life for 37 years, & my first two marriages ended in divorce. I believed all of that was my fault until I studied men as a Psychologist & Couples Counselor.

I enthusiastically taught all that I was learning
to any woman who was willing to listen.
And a lot of women got mad at me.
Really, really mad at me.

Something seriously important was missing from my approach.

Every woman had been “screaming” at me about it for years, but I hadn’t heard … until I stood face-to-face with it myself.

I knew Rule #1: Men are attracted to a confident woman. But now my knees were shaking. Could I sustain this new approach with a Cute Boy of my own?

  • What should I do with my own past hurts & vulnerability toward him?
  • How could I avoid knee-jerk reactions that were my default mode?
  • Would I be able to figure it out before it was too late?

All these questions led me into new territory.
And here are some of my thoughts.
Beginning with identity.

The truth about the Proverbs 31 Woman is …

We women have been doing the best we can with what the world has been telling us, but we’ve been robbed of so much in the process. We’ve been told who we are as “people.” We’ve learned to muscle up. Be tough.

But we’ve been forced into a new kind of old mold.
Our God-given identity has been stolen. Again.

The Feminist Lie

  • Not the I-deserve-to-be-treated-with-respect-&-paid-as-much-as-a-man kind of feminism. (That’s the good part.)
  • But the kind of feminism that killed our femininity.
  • The kind that says we are no different than men.
We are different & can be confident in that
… without castrating our men!

Because are created to carry a unique kind of power:
The unparalleled ability to inspire & influence.

  1. We must recognize the power of our femininity.
  2. Develop our power of feminine influence.
  3. Learn how to use our power wisely.

Therefore, the femininity of The Proverbs 31 Woman is worth our time & effort to explore, don’t you think?

What are your thoughts? I really want to know because we’re on this journey together. And because I look forward to hearing from you!

Learn more about embracing your God-given femininity
with A Wise Woman’s Guide to Life & Love