Category:The Psychology of Men

A man is a wonderful Problem-solver. It’s how his brain is designed to work. Whenever his woman has a problem, he loves to be able to solve it for her because …

• It gives his brain great satisfaction.
• It enhances his masculine sense of self.
• When she takes his advice, he feels needed.
  • If she asked for advice and doesn’t take it, he wonders why she asked.
  • If she didn’t ask, but he offered, he’ll wonder if she needs him at all.

The Pleaser

This is one that so many women don’t completely grasp. Most men I meet – even the ones who are coming to counseling to work through some very difficult relationship issues – simply want their wives to be happy.

• They desperately want to please their wives,
• but they just can’t seem to figure out how to do it.
• Sadly, most men are willing to settle for an end to the arguing.

Men hate conflict.

Many shut down in an attempt to slow it down …or to avoid it altogether. We call that stonewalling, and it invariably has exactly the opposite effect than the one he’s hoping to achieve.

So a man often gives in to his woman just to bring an end to the argument. When he gives in to you, he gives up the Power he needs in order to be your Protector, Provider, and Problem-solver just for the sake of ending the argument. It’s emasculating.

Both People Matter

Although a man should never just do whatever his woman say just to make her happy, he shouldn’t tune her out either. A man in a successful relationship is open to his woman’s feedback. But when either person becomes a doormat, it creates different problems. Because both people matter.

Just to see her smile …
because her happiness makes him happy, too!

Ladies: Please believe me when I say he really wants to see you actively, joyously happy … especially with him. When that happens, you both win.

If you want to stop the enemy, you need to understand his strategies against men. The quickest and easiest ways for the enemy to attack a man is to convince him that he is inadequate. And he most often uses a woman to do the attacking for him.

We know that because women have no less than a bazillion ways of telling men they don’t measure up … and thereby unwittingly usurping their God-given power.

A few ways women communicate that a man is inadequate:

• She smirks or rolls her eyes at him.
• She gives him unsolicited advice or instructions, saying something like:
  • Why don’t you ____?
  • You should ____.
• She talks about him to other people like he’s not there.
• She laughs at him when he’s not trying to be funny.
• She blames him for whatever has just gone wrong, making herself look better.
• She corrects or criticizes him. This one is powerfully emasculating – especially when she does it in front of other people.

Example: A while back, I was waltzing with a friend at a very festive ball, when the couple ahead of us tripped, and the woman crashed onto the floor. Her partner, who was obviously concerned, responded immediately to help her to her feet.

Her response? She glared at him, shaming him by her facial expression as well as her words. I’m still not sure for whom I felt more empathy: her for falling … or him for being yelled at in front of a ballroom full of people.

[callout]Undermine – and even get your revenge on – the enemy
by showing unparalleled respect for Your Man![/callout]

Repair Disconnections as Quickly as Possible

If he shuts you out when you’re talking, stop and ask him what he heard you say.

If he’s honest with you, he’ll tell you that it felt like an attack, blame, or criticism.
And if he tells you that, BELIEVE HIM.

• It does not mean that’s what you were trying to do.
• It just means that what you said got lost in translation,
  and you can try again … using different words.

Men are creatively designed by God to Protect. Provide. Problem-Solve. Please.

My Protector

Man protects instinctively. He protects the people he loves … and sometimes even people he doesn’t love … and sometimes even people he loves – or doesn’t love – who happen to be angry at him at the time.

Remember that he’s more sensitive than a woman.

And here’s where this characteristic comes beautifully into play. His radar is alert for danger.

• he takes action …
• or gives advice …
• or tries to solve the problem … Which a woman often hates because she doesn’t understand his intent. She erroneously believes he’s trying to fix her or just shut her up.And instead of analyzing his emotions,

Although that last statement may be partially true (sorry for being so frank), it’s mostly that a man doesn’t like to see someone he loves suffering.

• He wants her pain to stop … and to stop now.
• So he gives advice. He’s trying to protect his woman from further hurt. She can appreciate how really sweet that is of him if she understands why he’s doing it.

However, his sensitivity can backfire in a heartbeat.

If he feels like he is being attacked, blamed, or criticized, he will go on the defensive … to protect himself rather than his woman.