Submission doesn’t work for today’s woman. Why?
Well, if we think of it only as catering to the husband’s wants and needs, it becomes emotional and psychological suicide.
However, true submission requires strength.
Hers. And his.
If we translate the word “submission” into today’s terminology, it simply means “interdependence.” Neither person runs over the other. Instead they work together. As a team. Each playing his/her part.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”~ The Apostle Paul, Letter to the Ephesians
“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They … don’t own enough of themselves.”~ Steven Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Herein lies the problem.
To “own yourself,” you must possess true internal strength and confidence. Not that you’re invincible, but that you have faith that you and The Lord can handle anything that comes your way.
You aren’t afraid of the struggle and are open to learning something new.
Is Dr. Debi perfect? Ha!
By now, you’d think I’d know myself pretty well, and I do. Yet I’m amazed at how The Lord continually reveals truth to me … not only about others, but also about myself. I thought I was pretty good at that “submission” stuff in my first marriage, but I didn’t realize that I didn’t understand the whole equation.
My own submission wasn’t by choice. It was rooted in fear.
Fear of displeasing my husband … and losing him. After all, my own father had abandoned me when I was a toddler. And because of my fear of doing something “wrong,” I wasn’t a truly strong woman.
My sense of my own value as a woman was way too dependent on my perception of his opinion of me. Consequently, I worked hard to avoid his anger … and lost myself in the process. And I lost my husband, too.
Many women today believe they are strong.
But could their strength also be fear-based? We often have to toughen up (build walls) to help us get through life, and we lose our true strength in the process.
In other words, we develop a defensive strength, rather than a strong sense of (and value for) who we are as women … femininity and all.
Defensive strength causes wives and husbands unnecessary pain. Everyone loses.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Let’s grow stronger & more confident together!
p.s. If the thought of submission (interdependence) causes resentment to rise up within you, then you probably need some healing and a Daily Dose of Self-Confidence.