Helping Your Man Take Leadership

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First, he needs to know that you are following him. Even if he’s not a very seasoned leader.

Because a man can never become a really great leader if no one is willing to follow him.

In a word, he needs your willingness to submit to his leadership.

  • Submission really means that you trust and respect him.
  • It does not mean that you follow him blindly and mindlessly.

Second, he really needs your feedback.

Both Scripture and research show that men need to be open to the influence of their wives. Otherwise, they’re doomed to fail.

However, your feedback must never be
in the form of criticism, attack, blame, or advice.

What he desperately needs to hear is when he is getting it right … when he’s doing something that pleases you … that makes you happy.

And remember he needs you to help him look good to anyone who’s watching. He’ll stand taller and work harder than you ever thought possible. Yes, just give him that, and he’ll pull out all the stops to please you – more so than you ever imagined.

Many of us can identify a multitude of ways to make sure our relationships don’t work.  

However, we’re going to invest our energy on what actually does work. What works is very simple: being available and responsive to our partners “in the here-and-now,” and caring about how our actions might affect others – especially the person we love most in this world.  

So what does that look like?  

For the most part, I think I’m getting pretty good at being available and responsive to my partner. Although I’ve become an “expert” on the psychology of men and relationships, the Lord teaches me more about both topics every day.  

Once during a dance lesson, Fred and I were demonstrating the “swing” step, and he was telling the men how to make it enjoyable for the woman.  

He said, “Guys, you just pay attention to how your sweetie’s body is responding to the music and to you, and then you match her.”  

Huh? For years I’d been telling women that they need to follow their guy – to match him. So I was more than a little taken aback by his verbal instructions.  

I looked up at him and spontaneously proclaimed, “You’re matching me? I thought I was matching you!”   He just smiled and replied, “We’re matching each other.”  

Now I ask you, “How sweet is that?” A perfect way to play out Ephesians 5:21 – right in the middle of a dance lesson!  

As couples, we must learn to pay attention to one another’s needs and to be responsive to one another in light of the unique design and purpose given to us by Our Creator.

Remember it was Christ who announced the revolutionary idea that husbands and wives are equal before Heaven, at the same time recognizing specific roles for each.  

So if we want to build a Healthy Romance together, we need a more complete understanding of our respective biological differences, as well as differences in how we were nurtured.  

Keep learning. Keep practicing. Keep dancing.


  • How many women today are willing to submit to their husband’s leadership?
  • What type of feedback do you see most women give to men?
  • What kind of results do they get?

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