What I Forgot

For a long time now, I’ve been passionately trying to help women make sense of the men they love. Some have understood. But many others are stuck. Why is that?

I knew there was a missing piece. But what was it?

Slowly I have begun to realize that the missing piece concerns my optimism about where we are as women. I have erroneously assumed that women already have the foundation they needed. I forgot how much work I did (and still do) to establish and maintain my own foundation.

Roots must grow before a plant can sprout and bear fruit.

We’re no different.

For the past decade, I have been focusing on the gem of Partnership without giving the other gems their due. That is changing. Starting today.

We women must reclaim our Inner Territory, the place where we develop our Identity.

Then we are ready to claim the Outer Territory of Connection.

It’s simple, yet complex.

Because we move among the gems of life (see graphic) in what often feels like randomness, but is actually a predictable pattern.

We women need discernment to know where we are in the process … and what to do about it.

The underlying assumptions of my approach to Life & Love are based in my belief in Our Creator, as well as my understanding of psychology’s Theory of Attachment.

  1. You need a ConstantOpens in a new tab.. Someone Who is Available & ResponsiveOpens in a new tab. to your needsOpens in a new tab..
  2. Someone Who is your Safe Haven. Who can heal your broken heartOpens in a new tab., restore your soulOpens in a new tab., and fill your spiritOpens in a new tab. with divine confidence.
  3. Someone Who is your Secure Base. Who gives you His wisdomOpens in a new tab. and teaches you to partner with anotherOpens in a new tab. to bring His goodnessOpens in a new tab. to the earth.

Men need deep roots, too.

And I’m planning to write for men as well. But because I am a woman, I’m going to begin with us. And because women have more powerful influence than we realize in the life of the men we love: husbands and fathers, sons and nephews, coworkers and friends.

Watch for more info in my next post!
or subscribe to my newletter hereOpens in a new tab..


Dr. Debi is passionate about helping Christian couples & single adults learn more effective ways to apply Biblical principles & the findings of psychological research to everyday life. She is an author & former professor, as well as a California Licensed Psychologist (21711) & a Texas Licensed Psychologist with Provisional Status (38600). She earned her Doctor of Psychology degree (PsyD) at Rosemead School of Psychology-Biola University, and has taught psychology courses at MidAmerica Nazarene University, Azusa Pacific University, & Biola University. * Dr. Debi has taught psychology courses at MidAmerica Nazarene University, Azusa Pacific University, & Biola University.

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