What do women need?

what do women need

What do women need? Her primary need is for your understanding and love. And all you really need to understand is that she’s not a guy. She’s a girl. And love her simply because of who she is.

The Bottom Line: Both men and women are created in the Image of God to work together in harmony, and each is designed for a unique role in the relationship. One is creatively designed to lead, and his partner’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well. The other is creatively designed to follow, and her partner’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well.

A woman needs her man to protect her, to guide her, and to hold her.
And as her leader, a man is designed by God to do just that!

1. Please Protect Me

As a man, you were designed to protect her. It’s a fact of life that men are bigger and stronger than women. And you guys have this particularly wonderful quality about you: You have much, much, much high testosterone levels. A woman’s body produces testosterone, too, but far, far less of it than a man does … without even giving it so much as a first or a second thought.

However, this very fact can make her afraid of you. When she feels intimidated or threatened by a man, she will use the only surefire weapon she has: her words.

And given that you are sensitive to her, her words usually work to “cut you down to size.” Not a bad thing if you were her enemy. But if you’re her partner in life, that will make it next to impossible for you to be able to protect her.

3 simple things women need from their husbands2. Please Guide Me

Okay, this one may be difficult for your woman to admit. But she really wishes someone knew the answers. And she really wishes it was you who knew. She loves it when you solve a problem for her … and you do, too! Your brain was made to solve problems, so she’s actually helping you fulfill your purpose in life when she accepts your guidance. So it’s very satisfying for you when you win in this way … finding a workable solution that makes life better for her.

However, guys often get a bum rap for trying to solve a gal’s problems for her … because sometimes she just wants him to listen. So if that’s what you want, all you have to do is tell him that up front.

Most men are more than happy to provide whatever will make you happy, but you must be specific about what you want because they can’t think like a woman … at all!

3. Please Hold Me

This one is probably the most important of the three things a woman desires from the man she loves. And it happens so naturally while you dance. (Maybe that’s the reason I love waltzing so much!) Women not only want to be touched, but they want to be held … lovingly, caringly, respectfully. Research shows that being held by someone you love will dramatically reduce anxiety in a matter of minutes! We’ve all seen an anxious toddler benefit from being scooped up and held by a loving parent.

As adults, we’re no different.
We all need to be held sometimes.
And women need it every day!


  • Do you protect your wife from unpleasant situations? How so?
  • Have you learned to guide her with understanding and love?
  • Do you spend time holding your woman every day?


  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to protect you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to guide you?
  • How well do you receive your husband’s attempts to hold you?

Sometimes It’s the Girl

sometimes it's the girl

Women make a lot of assumptions – filling in the blanks with thoughts that paint a negative picture. We usually do it because we’re actually afraid from the beginning … afraid that something will go wrong. So we’re almost relieved when it does. Then we can blame the guy. And that’s so very wrong!

Romance always comes with a test.

Wrapped up in the wonder of Love, we try to protect our precious possession. In doing so, we begin tiptoeing around. Which will raise questions for our partner, of course. Soon they start to wonder about our actions … or our motives … or both.

[callout]Questioning one another’s goodness – or at least
their good intentions – will always lead us down the path to failure.[/callout]

We miscommunicate and don’t know how to untangle it all. We misinterpret. Jump to false conclusions. We “knew it was too good to be true” and begin to seriously doubt Love. We fail to believe the best and begin to assume the worst. We start guessing about everything …

He loves me? He loves me not?
Daisies don’t tell.

Sometimes it’s the girl who messes up. Remembering past pain and disappointments, we withdraw … or we attack. We start guessing – or asking our friends –what we should do next. It’s like we can’t see the forest for the trees. And we don’t even realize it’s our fear – and more particularly, our defense against feeling afraid – that keeps us from having everything we’ve been hoping to have in Love. So we erect walls that no one could possibly hope to scale. The ultimate in self-protection.

[callout]It’s not your fear that ruins your relationship.
The only problem couples ever have is … Defensiveness.[/callout]

If you struggle to create or maintain a Healthy Romance, you are probably afraid of being hurt or getting dumped. And instead of having a healthy conversation about your fear, you’re defensive, building self-protecting walls that not only keep out what’s potentially bad or hurtful, but also everything that’s right and good for you.

[callout]If you are Christians, never forget that you are now saints,
learning to walk in Newness of Life. And behave accordingly.[/callout]

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-24)


  • Looking at people around you – or in the movies or on TV – do you notice a tendency (a) to blame men or (b) to blame women for relationship failure?
  • Why do you think that is?

Meanwhile, back in the Garden …

Eve deceived

Picking up where we left off … Back in the Garden, the enemy is plotting to spoil God’s Creation. The Lord, of course, knows he’s there because even the enemy is a created being. An angel so impressed with himself – his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position – that he wanted all the glory and honor to go with it. That is, he had enough self-pride to believe he deserved to be God.

Cast from Heaven due to his arrogance, he lost his identity as a Morning Star, and became the Adversary – the enemy who seeks his revenge by distorting God’s created order.

Adam and Eve, however, are unaware of his presence.

So one day, the two of them are strolling through Paradise when they encounter the crafty serpent, who strikes up a conversation with Eve. The enemy knows that the primacy of her emotions will make her an easier target than Adam.

He said to the woman, “Did God really say,
‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

(Genesis 3:1b)

As it turns out, he is right about her. Eve is an easy mark. She replies that God said they can eat the fruit of any tree except the one in the middle of the Garden. She goes further and says that if they even touch the tree, they will die, which God did not say. The serpent clearly has her attention.

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.
“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened,
and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

(Genesis 3:4-5)

Eve’s emotions kick into overdrive.

She gets more than a little anxious about the perceived quality of the life she’s living.

  • She begins to doubt the goodness of God and his provision.
  • And rather than following her husband as her authority,
  • she gives her attention to the serpent instead.

The evidence is right there in front of her, and she reasons. “The fruit of the tree does look good. Really good.

  • Could it be God is holding out on us?
  • What if that stuff the Lord told Adam about that delicious-looking fruit isn’t actually true?
  • Is God denying us good things?
  • Is He refusing to make us fully aware of all that we might become?
  • Is He refusing us all we could enjoy … all that we deserve?
  • Life seems great. That’s true. But what if we could have more?
  • What if we could be more?
  • What if we could be like God?


  • Why do you think the Serpent approached Eve instead of Adam?
  • What kept Adam from speaking up?
  • What sin(s) did each of them commit?
  • How do you see this scenario playing out in marriages today?